::..So Many Trees , So Little Time ..::

Purpose 4: Family and friend.

2010-11-30T07:15:00.000-08:00

This would be another reason of blogging which i label as family and friends. as what it is labels, I will write anything about my family and also friends.

Currently I am staying with 4 most trusted person in JB. Jimmy, Kath, Kath and Ham. Ham is the newbie in our house. We rented this house and it's very nice besides some of the defect. Here are some of the role in our home:

Kath: Tuai Rumah.
Kath: Breakfast
Me: Nobody
Jim: Cook
Ham: Newbie.

All of us are working in the professional fields. We are actually struggle to live far from home but i believe each of us doing our best for our future. On the other hands, despite the busy working life, we are actually try to rock the house every chance we had. That's the story I want to write about.

Our most recent activity-Mosquito Killing Spree Campaign.

Purpose 3: Faith

2010-11-30T06:52:00.000-08:00

Do I 100% believe in God? Yes. But do I follow 100% of God's will? Sadly no. I bet you if it's 100% then I am not human being. Am not perfect. Perfect is boring, human being is interesting. It's hard to be Christian. A real true Christian. it's not easy to carry the cross.

My reflex myself and knew that my faith sometimes strong and most of the time weak. Sadly but true. I am still on my long journey finding God. I am looking my purpose of life.

Once in secondary 1, My homerun teacher asked what is my ambition. I hesitate that time cause I know i don't feel like i want to be anyone. I just don't know. But the teacher insist. Then I got the thought and said I want to be a politician, teacher and PRIEST. But as I grow up along the journey with God, I don't feel much interested to be Priest. LOL.

So my purpose of this blog is to write anything in my daily life or previous event that related to my faith. One of the thing i want to mention here is about my friends in GIFT. It is the Catholic Student Society in UTM. although I am no longer a student, i loves joining and being around with them. I am very grateful for being gifter as it really makes my life as a student worthful. GIFT really makes me the person I am today and I believe this is GOD's will.

One of the most memorable moment with GIFT.

Purpose 2:Engineering.

2010-11-29T06:36:00.000-08:00

Engineering? yup Inginieur.

Do i want to be an IR? Yes but not now. I got only a little knowledge in civil engineering. I need to be like a sponge, absorb all the practical knowledge from all the time I am working now.

Catwalk at site

I start working since 10 August 2009, now it had been more the 1 year. Thanks to Ir Law Kok Hong, my project manager whom accept me with RM1400/month as starting. I am still humble towards all the consultants and the clients. my work involve 3D. Dangerous, Dirty and Degrading. yes and sadly but it still money making and provide bread to most of the foreign worker.

Standing at 11th floor of Block F

At this moment, I am into management of site. less into design. but management is really crucial in my company cause it really lack of it. In my office, we have come and go site supervisor, 1 good coordinator, 1 loyal clerk, 1 assistant purchaser, and me the engineer. the QS mostly will come after afternoon, my project Manager only come on monday till thursday, my purchase manage will come to site office when necessary. I love them all cause they really care bout each other and very helpful. recently we had always plan thing together like giant sandwich making and also the upcoming steamboat.

I had met a lot type of human being here. Mostly con people. yeah! One more problem with this site is that, my boss (the owner of the company) does not trust anyone in the company regardless how long have you been working here. He was always be at site monitoring the job which is not proper as he seem to be not a technical person. He can do anything he want whether its wrong or right. Mostly wrong. I don't care cause he just don't want to listen or trust me. I had heard that he did not fully pay the sub contractors but keep on claiming to other people that the sub contractor had received more.

The unfinished bussiness of Block C.

Our site situation right now seems to be the worst. the Client does not pay my boss and my boss told me in person that he had used up his millions money. All major work are halt and only minor work like apron drain, pit cover, housekeeping are done daily. it had been about a month. my coordinator keep pushing all the supervisors to do their job. most of the machinery got nothing to do. Only the rented JCB and Excavator moving around. but I still think that its such a bad situation cause all cost of rental and workers are still counted regardless whether they really do work or not.

Playing with the excavator

I had a doubt that I will not get my salary this month, i am scared cause I might not be able to go back home for Christmas. This late afternoon, my coordinator told me that my Project manager had resigned but I still can call him if i need anything. Damn! the only person that i can count to had resigned, I was wondering what am i doing here!?

Purpose 1: Modeling

2010-11-28T01:05:00.001-08:00

It's kinda awkward and shameful most of the time if i say this to someone else but fo those who really care about me they will support me. Thanks them. Because of them, I became brave enough to tell the world that...

I want to be a model.

not loud enough?

I want to be a MODEL!

Still can't hear me?

I WANT TO BE A MODEL....!!!!

Secret

It's had always been my secret passion because i wasn't dare to tell anyone about it. Another reason is that I felt that I am not tall enough to be the typical male model.

I got few friends that I would like to mention here. number one is Andy Wee my school mate till secondary school. Once in an introductory of Economic class, Miss Debbie Goh our teacher asked what we want to be after finish study. Then this guy Andy said "I want to be a steward...(pause a second)... model or I don't know". wow, sincerely from his mind saying that. but when I asked him the next days, he didn't want to admit it. LOL...Andy is a tall good looking guy that i know. I hope he really have the guts to chase his dream. (I think he had change his mind years after).

Second pArson that I want to talk about is Bartholomew whom I know since Matriculation in Labuan. During Uni life, we met during a ICG a catholic camp in Penang. He was very obsessed about the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency reality show. He once admit to me that he want to be a Model. But I know this guy, Meo who claim to be 170cm tall is quite famous for being indecisive and mind changing pArson. So, just in a few months i had never heard of him talking about this show anymore. But he really start me to figure thing about modeling.

Third pArson is no one but my own Aunty...Auntie Ann. My sweet aunty who stay in JB right now. She really have the model look, style and height and even walk. Once i was staying with her family, she mentioned to me that she would one day send Casey one of her daughter to a nearby modeling agency. jokingly she said that if the agency would like to accept casey and also herself...she would gladly accept it.

There are more pArsons that I really wanna mention here...like my sisters Gail and Bella who have the passion to modeling, my friends in GIFT like Anthea and Bunga whom said that if they were tall enough they sure will go for modeling, Karlvin only admit when he drunk, Freddie whom have everything to be a model but hesitate to start...and more. But few are enough I guess.

Challenges

There a few challenges for me to break through my dream. My job - site engineer. The commitment for this job really obstruct my commitment for modeling and also others. But it is also my income. I really have to figure out what to do in order not to jeopardize both my job and passion. sometimes I wanna try to pause my job and get into modeling for few years then get back to engineering. But I will wait till the right time comes.

Another challenge that i need to take is that I am not tall enough. Not 6' but only 5'10". it's kinda hard for short male to get into this industry unless he is really attractive. I have a friend name Syed from Malacca who is short about 5'6" but he manage to do modeling successfully. He got a lot of modeling assignment despite being a student. Another model that I just googled whose name is Edrenalin got 5'8" height but had been a phenomenal in Australia. I believe being model is not ONLY about the height but also how you brought yourself into the industry.

Syed

Edrenalin

Getting Started

How to start? after knowing that this is what really I want, I am not going sit around and wait until I got any offer or found by model scout. I believe most of the supermodels was found by scout agent, some went to modeling school, some join the beauty pageant and some went to many agencies to get agent and more. I am not that good I know. I need to put more effort if i really want to get this. It is not easy. But first thing I need to do is initiation...I need to start soon.

New purpose of blogging...

2010-11-28T00:52:00.000-08:00

Hello anyone here?

Hello world...(famous phrase for learning programming)

sup? (what's up) now I got internet connection in my room, it make easier for me to blog. all this while I was on and off and on blogging because it's kinda hard to get the time and internet connection for this blog. well this is my recent photo...people say I am getting some fat and it far way better. I'm glad..

well this entry only written by me in order to inform the world that I had found a new purpose of blogging...see ya...

25

2010-06-17T04:43:00.000-07:00

yeah I'm 25 years old already...still trying hard chasing my dream.

thanks for all the wishes and celebration friends...

Happy birthday to my self....

What about now?

2010-05-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

It's so long that i had any updates for my entries but I don't think anyone care.

So what about now? i working already...as a junior site Engineer.

It's a great experience to be junior whereby you can simply but in manners say:

"How"

"OOO"

"please teach me"

and so on and on and most of the time i get the help from others.

my project is Taman Seri Molek Perdana which is a construction of 972 units of affordable houses. 6 blocks consist of 1 low cost, 2 medium cost and 3 high end apartment.

as a site engineer, i am suppose to take care of all the technical matter at site and the drawing is my bible. I hope i can grow and be a professional some day. God guide me.

MON my friend...thank you

2008-12-05T02:55:00.000-08:00

I know this is my chance to see the other dimension of Malaysia whom self-proclaim to be Malaysia Truly Asia. I cannot wat until the day come. I was assigned to be expose to the Mon Refugee Organization (M.R.O) in Kuala Lumpur (K.L) together with Anglina Albinus. I had contact the leader, Nay Thy Wonna of MRO and we were given their address. On 27^th November 2008, the first part of the exposure was taken place at Perch, Batu Arang, Selangor. Reaching there traveling by busses and trains. I learned the house is built up for the marginalized sick people and I can see many of them. I got the chance to know a Myanmar boy name Amon who can plays the guitar very good and we sing some songs for whole evening for everyone. Other than that, the whole salt exposure group was introduced to Rosemary who is the head of the A.C.T.S (A Call To Serve) organization which serve the needy. I stay at the Shelter home with the Myanmar Refugees for a night.

Next morning, Angelina and I travel to KL together with other teams. On the journey, the leader Wonna keep on asking where are we. I felt Nay Thy Wonna really cannot wait to see us and he was worried that we may had got lost. When we reach Pudu, he fetch us. I can immediately feel his friendliness and kindness when he fetch us with eagerness and big smile. The MRO office is situated at 9^th Floor, Pudu Plaza, KL. The place was very good, clean and well order. I feel that the community is trying very hard to make a good living there. Then we shared about the life in the MRO, I got the know few people, wonna whom work as a social worker, Jowen the English teacher and more. Most of sharing is about their reason and journey to Malaysia.

One of the best sharing among them was by Kong Chan Khit a young man who was about my age. He is among the well English speaking Mon people and a University of Moulmein student whom did not finished because of the country situation. He came to Malaysia in 2004 because he was force to join the military. He escaped and manage to come to Malaysia through Thailand. Each border crossing, he need to pay the agent a lot sum of money. He was drop at Butterworth, Penang and was force to work without salary for 7 months. At one point of his years in Malaysia, he met a good man named Mr. Kong whom sponsor his education fee in APIIT college K.L. But after some years, the man leave for Taiwan. He had lot of working experience as a refugee in Malaysia and he was among the lucky one because he never got caught or beaten by police, RELA force or the bad citizens. Kong had also share some story about the Mon Dynasty whom once the most feared Kingdom but now no more. Even the Mon people was slowly converted to become Burmese when the Junta order arise. Many of them were killed and run to other country. Kong is now waiting for the UN to send him to the third country. Kong is a very humble man. Although he had his own room, he rather sleep outside at the living room accompanying me for the two nights.

Other than that, I had the chance to go to the Hospital Kuala Lumpur accompanying Wonna and one friend a Mon member name Nay Chek Goon. Sadly he was suspected to have dengue. I hope he get well soon.

On the last day of exposure, I took the chance to take many photos of the good refugee friends even with the kids. I hope to stay longer because they are very nice to me. They also presented me their annual T-shirt, badge, and towel, I also bought myself a “gloit” a tradition cloth like ‘sarong’.I am kind of feeling heavy hearted to leave them, I really wish God bless them with happiness and solve their problems. I hope Myanmar obtained it democracy sooner. I will just pray.

Oh my English~

2008-11-02T22:43:00.000-08:00

Gosh, I re-read my most recent post and i realized that my English writing is getting worse than before. I hope to brush up my tongue. talking about language. I am quite lucky to be able to speak in three major languages which are English, Malay and Mandarin.

I would like to thank my mum and dad whom sent me to SRJK school (mandarin medium school), and my aunties (I don't know which one) whom asked my parents to sent their children to go for Chinese School for good. Still remember Mrs Lee, my standard 5 English teacher whom I loved most because of her interesting class and also my aunties whom shows me the important of English language.

Mandarin? I just dont know since wheni was able to converse in it. When i was in the primary school all the subjects were taught in Mandarin except for language classes. So I just lived with it for 7 years (including kindergarden). i was punished by my teachers while he curse Mandarin language, My chinese friend talked to me in Mandarin, go for mandarin tuition and more. What was the thing I proud the most is when my Chinese friends during standard 3 told me that i can pronounced Chinese words correctly just like them. But I never seriously learned chinese language, I just lived with it.

My BM? It's very useful and I am proud to be Malaysian. But to confess one things, I failed my Malay language paper for my UPSR (Government paper for standard 6) which i got E. Because of such result I had to enter Removing Class (is this correct?) and I spend one year in the most life changing class. there I met crazy, spoilt, and bully people and I started to do well in my study for the rest of my life. I loves that year.

One language that i feel bad not to be able to speak is my father tongue! yaiksss. Dusun/Kadazan language. I know few word which i guess only 0.001% of the language. Hahaha! despite the weekly mass in my village were using Dusun/Kadazan language, i failed to lived with it.

So, i want to learn Dusun/Kadazan. wish me luck

G.I.F.T band

2008-10-26T00:36:00.000-07:00

I still remember since i was first year I was waiting to sing on stage. this Passion overwhelm me so much and disturb my study and revision most of my time. The only choice in front of me that time was the Choir Team of UTM. I was selected to help the strong Tenor group. I was glad cause at least I sing. And in UTM choir, we are though to sing professionally by the expert coach Pak Herman. Thanks Pak.

Anyway as time passed, I felt choir no longer can fulfil my intention. I never feel moving forwar in choir. I guessed things need to change. So i tried to be a Worship Leader in GIFT. Yeah, doing this really boost up my confindence to sing in front of the crowd. Sorry Lord I never meant to use Praise and Worship session as my practice stage. I appreciated it so much.

But then i come to realized that my voice in out of my controlled. i couldn't make use proper vibrato, High notes and all the professional skill. Its true... I never knew this until the I was in end of year 2. But i did nothing to it.

In year 3, the only highlight for my singing passion was the MJCC battle of the band. We called our self "In the Name". I still remember I received a loud claps and cried from the crowds but not the judges...the judges simply don't like me. First my band name was critic as "in the name", should have only three members as in the holy family-Jesus, Mary and Joseph, but my band have 5 members. Second, the judge don't like my acting, my expression by body language and so on. I couldn't accept these in for months.

The only comments that i guest relevant was by judge-mark anthony: You are good in attracting people attention but your voice need to be done something. Thank you so much Judges... My band lost- BIG lost to other band. I feel bad caused I had brought my band for intensive practice, you know- money and time wasted so much. what's more disturbed me was the other bands who won the battle band 1st to 3rd place did only few times of practice and they won happilly. Ok Ok stop it, I am not condemn the judge but myself for ruinning my band's effort and hopes. Sorry Guys.

But still I would like to express my thousand thankful to my Ex-band member-Guitarist: Roland, Bassist:Raymond, Bernard:Keyboardis, and Drummer:Daniel. Sorry and thank you. I hope we can be together again. The video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTPDm4YE7YI

So after being a big losser, I still stand up. ok hahaha. Ok. in year 4, i had made my mind to go for any competition. erm but for this semester I only joined 2 competitions. One is for the "Malam Mutiara Seni" singing competition which I sang "janjiku-Sofaz" karaoke and I lost. I don't mind losing but actually i sang badly-voice cracked happened due to the high picth. Haha... Then the last one was during the convocation season in the "Pesta Convo" with my new band.

Ok, this is my good intension actually. I had a feeling that some of the Juniors have the passion on musics too. and it could be easily identified when the Gift Music Ministry(GMM) found them and recruite them to play for Weekly Mass. I guess they also interested to form a band.

then come the month of August when by the Pesta Convo will be held. I contact my previous band (In the Name)- only contacted roland actually. He told me he cannot make it cause he have to go back to his home town during the break. Ok, Band In The Name erased from my head. Erm I did contacted Daniel too, but I have to dropped him cause I found new direction for the battle.

I was lucky to find Eric-Guitarist from GMM. During WWF, I found Andreas-Drummer and Lorna-Vocalist to fill this new band. I knew I can do something about this. Then I insisted Bernard-Keyboadist to join this band and also Filipi-the well promoted bassist by Roland. hehehe to complete the band.

It was a great moment for me while in this band. i get to know them especially juniors. I wanna highlight here that even Eric seem to be very cool and quiet in the real but when messaging he seem to be a very kind and warm person. Hahaha...I put him a the golden boy in my friendster picture because i feel that he is the one who gave the golden idea of the chosen songs with cool improvisary.

Ok, For the band we got Hilang-Garasi, Gemuruh-Faizal Tahir and Standing In Eyes-Ella with little rock version for the musical part. It's not that easy for us to enter the competition. I have to reveal that the organizer did not allowed for female singer in the band. They did not state it in the rules and regulation. We were frustrated but still came out with plan A, B and C. I prefer plan A which was to see the Student Counsels and ask permision to allowed Lorna to participate the battle, plan B was the worst which to let me sing alone...NO NO NO then Plan C is to choose new singer in the eleventh hour-Karlvin was in our mind.

So about a week before the competition, to tell you our songs was not perfect yet but we wer very sure join. we (me, Eric, Lorna and Gu- I still remember lorna was wearing very formal, and Andreas were wearing sandals which frighten us as the Student Councel was a very strict area) went to the Administration Buidling and look for the guy than can help us with this appeal.

to cut short, the guy (forgot his name la) allowed us. Yeahoo! so practice continued. oh yeah, we named our band as G.I.F.T and we all agreed to it. Our practice video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwailsYuX2Q

It was on the 17th of August, our group have to wait until the instrument arrived and one more bad news the organiser did not prepared keyboard. Bernard keep on telling me there were no keyboard on the stage while other band we battling. I had ask Didi's help to fecth me to take my keyboad in my room. Fuh...! Just before our turn, we make a short prayer while holding tight each others hand. Thank You Lord, we managed to performed greatly, the preliminary was fun-almost perfect. check this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SgDfgCN55Q

Not waiting for the result cause it take long time for the preliminary to finished. So most of us went to Filipi's room to check for the video taken with Eric camera. yeah, Jackson was there too. we watched our performance and quite satisfied with it. Then after few hour i received a call by the organizer. He asked my band to come for final. hahaha...my group member laugh out loud

During final, I can many people watching the competition and the organiser used sms voting method to choose the winner apart from the judges marks. I was happy to see a lot of GIFTers and even MCG came to support G.I.F.T band. We were second to perform after the Houdinix band. check this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcCeMSs4OZQ

So, from part,I did badly in my speech-urghhhh! my voice? i did not do it nicely, I had voice changing again! Lorna did it perfectly although she told me she almost forget the Hilang lyric. Filipi? there's problem with the technical part that night. I can hardly hear the perpective perfector factor - bass sound. Eric forget to turn up the volume for Hilang most wanted intro, Bernard finger can't make the melodicful part but Andreas did it well better than the preliminary. To say overall, is still good. not bad and satisfying.

The other band performance were good too. but highlight to Houdinix and Kerepek Pedas. there were cool, I heard from Bernard that they were the winners for previous Battle. I knew Kerepek peda vocalist - He is Christor...most GIFT knew him cause he performed during GIFT night and battled during MJCC battle of the Band. Check on houdinix and kerepek panas band performance:

Houdinix

Houdinix - Itu kamu

More on houdinix

Kerepek Pedas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBaadCjdwZ8

thanks to the person who upload it.

the Result. ok we were just relax from the outside but feel nervous but when all the consolation prizes was given away, we were release a bit, and ready to walk on stage. So the third place belongs to us GIFT. Thank you Lord. Second goes to Kerepek Pedas and the winner is Houdinix. Congratulation to the winner.

for us, we were satisfied. we won something. Thank you all for supporting us. to my band member thank a lot, hope we can do this again next time.

What to update in my life-blog...

2008-10-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

So, I am in my room-connecting to the internet using DIGI Campus. DIGI campus is a student plan that allow student to call and sms for cheaper rate. It also have internet connection by having diginet a point network for RM 30 a month. the internet connection is about 115.2 kbps and it's quite slow but still trustable.

finish about DIGI campus. So i did not work out today. just cutting my food. eat a pack of chicken maggie for dinner and had a tea break with a bun at 6pm. I was wondering if i could achieve my goal to have my abs flatten...

Now..

2008-10-22T03:09:00.000-07:00

So here I am, very long time never update this blog. I just can't find any good idea to blog. It's like everything shouldn't be written. ok ok but I guess i don't wanna stop. I will just write anything if i got the time.

exam is just around the corner and i need to do good in my final year. recently i was very busy with my final degree Project. I'm glad that it all over. thank God.

After exam, i'll joinning a Campus Ministry program SALT. go and check youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVqts-6Nhx0

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v =b9RJ2gHGvKQ

for more info, I am the creator of that video, ok I know it very amateur. It my first time and I use window movie maker only but, I love my work.

I am also the publicist and treasurer of SALT program. I have to deal with money.

Ok, What's after SALT? On the 10th of Dec I'll be back home. Thanks to my mum, she bought me the flight ticket. Thanks also to Aunty flocy for helping me.

anyway, at home? What's my plan! one of the most important is to do continue my final project. talk about it later.

other than that, my family members have planned a lot of things for this year end. From the 19th to 1st january, there will be a marathon of party, dinner, event and so forth. I hope i can handle all.

apart from that I hope I got some work from my agency. It's been a very long time I did not contact them but how i wish to be working with them again as a crew, clown or model...

model? ok ok i am not there yet, but i hope to be one at least for little experience. I don't dare to tell anyone about this.

The logo beside is my agency logo- its fairuz modelling agency. I a little shy to say about that because i haven't not work as a model yet but as crew and clown only. I hope to model for this agency. The people in that agency are very nice especially Mrs Amal, Calista, Mr Alan, Ridz, and more. Hope to see you guys again this september.

one more thing that i felt critical is about my body figure i have a big stomact but skiny body. Maybe because of my eating habit and lack of exercise caused all this. I am very lazy to move my ass around for any trainning of even a simple jog. I need to work this thing out. A model need a good body figure and good attitude.

ok i hope I can make it.

the inner feeling...for one of my friend.

2008-10-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

I don't want to act,
It's make me looks stupid.
I just don't know what to do,
to please you or my self.

I feel nervous, happy and scared.
yeah that's what i felt...
Whenever i see you.
but I always wish to see you.

sometimes i got the chance,
Sometimes I just miss it,
but when time is good,
I will try to not to appreciate it.

I guess I am hypocrite,
yeah true but I can be true..
truest to myself or being my self.
I just lost for who I am.

so recently we don't speak much
I don't know why...
is it me or you?
I feel awkward and dislike it.

ok, whenever i start a topic.
a topic about anything..
everything seems goes wrong
I know why...!

It's me for not being myself.
hypocrite in my way,
I hope to get over this...
but I can't be myself.

maybe because i don't like it
I don't like my way,
maybe I should change.
Can I do it.

People say just be yourself...
i think their only 50% right,
how about the criminal, the stupid one..
or the self hater like me...

Self hater...not really
I am not a real self hater,
but I hate some part of me..
I don't want to be that part.

I want to change it.
it not easy...
but it's not impossible.
I will try...

I will try not to be hypocrite...
to be faithful but not being bullied,
to be real but in the right way
to create myself not to find it.

I hope one day in my life..
I'll let you know.
the true of me
and hope you too...

Kaamatan..

2008-06-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

So I was still in Batu Pahat, and Edrin organized a kaamatan+gawai celebration in his house on the 31st in Skudai. Of course I don't want to miss it.

I got off day and go to Skudai riding with Meo. Thanks Meo..

Cool-Edrin indeed had prepare very well, the food, the activities, drink, 'ritual' and bbq.

Special guest: Fr Jojo, Aunty Teresa, Uncle David, Paulus, Peter, Terence, charlces and Meo...hehe

thanks again Edrin.

I playing safe now..

2008-05-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

at nite, I always hope u are in my arms.
I will warm the cold nite.
I want to watch you sleep-soundly.

at work, i thought of you.
I know we'll meet again,
but i can't wait that moment.
Cus I missed you so much.

And at time we were together,
I feel great...
But somehow, dont know why,
I felt incomplete.

When we were talking,
I admire your sweer voice,
I 'm inspired by your words.
Weekend O please come.

I can get through anything.
but not this
the feeling of missing you.
It's strentening me.

In the church..
I always want to sit with you
To worship God with you.
To feel God's grace upon us.

Now I'm writing this.
Just to tell you.
as I love you but couldn't
no I just couldn't say it.

I hope this letter is enough,
greatly to express my feeling.
I'm playing safe now.
I won't take risk.

Dee

2008-05-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

Dee texted me on the second day of our LI.

Dee:
Wei mcmna li? D
manala ko tnggl?

Dee:
Sy d sni tampoi
utma, tggal d pulai
utma. Teda jg, sja2
tnya. Mcamnala ko
p li..Jauh jg tu..

Gerard:
Pulai utma rumah
pastor? Sia di
tmpat kami XXX
tggal dlu. sia
guna bas. 2 bas
tp kalau x sempat
sia tidur sana
rumah setinggan.
haha asal boleh
idup. Ba dee-kalau
ada plan ujung mggu kastau. tp
sia kerja sabtu.
sbab mau jaga site
kan. Fashion show
pun kastau. Kau
apa kabar? apala
Kerja kau?

Dee:
Bkan, sy tggl d
ruma bro dkat dgn
giant tman u. sy ok
jg ni. Ko mcamna?
Sy d pjbt ja ni skrg
kna suru fham prjk
yg dorg bt bru kna
hntr p site. Ko
apala krja kna bg?
Ba nti sy kshtau
klu ada plan hjng
mggu. Sy pn krja
hri sbtu. tp stngh
hri jala. Fshn show
31 mei nti..

Gerard:
Sia pun duduk2 ja
di ofice kmarin.
Baru kna antar p
site hari ni. O dpan
giant? Uina, ada
charles and jephra
juga sana tu.
Anyway skrg sia
buat formwork
utk stump Dee,
kau perna dgr
PDA-Pile data
analysis?

Dee:
Bkan yg di dpn
giant. yg sblh kri
giant, lalu 2 trffc
light lg..Sy x prnh
bt o 2 PDA.. Ko jam
bpa msuk sma blik
kja?

Gerard:
8am-5.30pmm. lama
kan, rehat jam
1-2pm! haha. tu
kontraktor ckp
utm teruk tdak
ajar PDA..
Kemarin sia
kana suru kira
concrete, gila,
sia bantai trus
p tana engineer
dan qS ni.
Haha.

Dee:
Lbh krng smala
kta. tp sy stat
8.30am-5.30pm.
Rhat 12.30 smpi
1.30. Sy pn kna
mrah ni kmrn p
bca newspapr tme
kja..Borng ni,kna
suru bca file
projek..Ko blik
skudai ka hri ni?

Gerard:
Haha, sia pun
baca news smpai
tidur2 lg tapuk2.
Kau kena bg site
plan ka. Balik
napa dee ada
plan?

Dee:
Ada sy kna bt tp
prjk yg lma
pnyala. kna suru
tgok..Teda jg grad. blum da plan
lg..

Gerard:
Oh yaka. Ok ja,
jgn lupa, blajar VB.
K. Tetau bila kita
bulih jumpa
dr Shahrin ni.
Blajar ja la.

At that nite, Dee invite me to go out but heaven no I don't want and I can't-very far...maybe next time.

2008-05-29T04:31:00.000-07:00

Sheena SMS....WOW!

She called me when I was in the office doing some calculations. At first she greet asallamualaikum, the ask 'is this Mr.President?'. I was confuse and just answered yes. She called up her name but I couldn't hear it properly and i hung up because I was in the office...

then I texted her:

Gerard:Ya-saya lupa.
Teruk kan. Sia x
dpt ingt suara kau
juga. Sori. Saya
kerja ni. Practical
skrg di office.

Sheena:oh sori, actualy sia
call td mo invite ko
dtg pg wed
reception sia d le
meridian hotel on
7th june..:)

Gerard: Adoi, thanks.
Haha...baru sia igt
kau Sheena. Sori
gia sia d jb ni li
sampai july. Nda
dpt la. Ya ba mr
presiden ni haha.
kau tau juga. Sory
x3

Sheena:Ko ni can suda lupa
kawan hehe, bah
nda pa kalo mcm
tu..have a nice
day!!

Gerard:Sorix3, sia punya
phone kena curi
oleh badut jahat.
So ni phone baru
and sia claim no
balik. Ilang number
kau. Tdi sia dgr
kau ckp nama 'lina'
ba. Haha. Silap dgr.
biasala di pjbt sia
takut2 ba. 1st day
juga ni. Ba
Sheena. Kau
kahwin bgus2 aaa,
jd bride yg paling
cantik di dunia. ish
rugi la sia x pg ni.

Sheena:Oh macm tu pula
cerita..its ok
Gerard, sia pun
greet ko
asalamualaikum
juga bah
td,hehe..by the
way thanks. :).

Missed her so much...

Battle of the band,.

2008-05-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hi Im glad to see u in the church. Although I felt awkward but i tried to cool down. I dun mind for you didn't help my band although i asked for it. I never care anymore. Glad so much to see how great is the band u guys had formed. Congratulations for winning 3rd place. I know it's a lil' late to greet this.

Anyway I wish to say something. I'm the new president of GIFT now. Just got voted just now. Although I have problem as you know, but i feel that i still want to serve my best to GOD. I know my weaknesses and already accepted for I am. I won't struggle my self to be somebody but i only tell the trusted friend. I had stop thinking of changing as long as I don't do something disgusting. Cause attempthing to change only made me even suffer and disturbed very much. And by that way, I never blame God, who loves me so much.

Im happy to be myself. I knew we will never be like last time. And I also had stopped hoping for that. But Thank God for the very great lil' time (1 year) that he gave me the chances to know you. I had the most meaningful and enjoy period in my life. You had brough a big impact to my life. All that moment will I remember, never diminish.

God Bless You.

Willie Boy - SMS about his internship.

2008-05-14T22:25:00.000-07:00

Willie was the first person to text me asking how was I doing with my internship.

Willie:Haha..baru mau start ni bsok. tension o. Ko cam mana?

Gerard:bsuk juga. memang tension juga, bulum tau tmpat dia lg tu, Damn Sia stay di rumah si kath lagi yag dulu tu. Tp xda member. tulah tension.

Willie:Ko Li d mana la?

Gerard:Si Li di J.B. Kau kerja ka ujung mggu? Saya isnin jumaat ja. tension. napa kau tension oo haha

Willie:Bos sy tmpt li 2 lectr sy.cerewet gila..bikin panas

Gerard: Haha..Bagus tu. lama2 dia jd kawan kau tu. Kau bulih urus ba tu. jgn takut.

On the first day of Internship
Willie:Mcm mana Li ko?
Gerard: Boring, betul. Hahah. 1st day guna bas and masuk orientasi and duduk dari pukul 9.30am smpai skrg. Tggu tu site engineer dtg utk handtar sia p site. Jau ni tmpt dia. kau?

Willie: x bt pa2 ni. ngantuk gila ni...dorg bg drawing pas2 suruh tgk dr td sampai skr.
Willie: Haha..dorg bg1 kompter ni. nasib la ada internet..Hehe..ya sy tggu tym rehat ja ni...haha

Willie:Huhu another boring day. Ko pa cam? Ada p site la smlm?

Few day later
Willie:Pa mcm ko? Ok ka LI?

Gerard:Sori tlupa! ok2 la. kena tanya2, bnyk sia x pandai jawab. kau? Pinter, sia jatuh teruk ni sem, Adui Gitu rajin sia.

Willie:Keluar da ka result ko?

Gerard: Yup baru senarai tampai, tp sidah kira. kamu lum ka?

Willie: Blum lg. bru ja abis mggu xam ni...

Gerard:O ba..sia ni sem. 2.XX. harp kau dapt yang terbaik. mcma LI kau?

Willie: Teruk o. bt sy makin benci ni melayu...

Gerard: Ops..lek kau ba! apa yg terjadi O?

Willie: Suma muslim ni. berat sebelah ni...

Gerard: ba kau suant ja ba. haha. harap kau dpt kc settle la.

Willie:2 la2...boring btl ni mcm org lutsinar ja sy sana...

Gerard: ba kau p mengurat la tu perempuan. teda kerja kan!Sial juga. Actually sia pun rasa kena buang di satu tmpt yg sudah delay lama ni. then masuk lumpur2.kerja dgn indon dan bangla. kena surh tggal d rumah sewa yg mcm d sinsuran dulu tu. tp ada juga blajar la. Napa kau x minta kerja?! Sia cabar kau p minta kerja la nanti isnin.

Willie: Haha...suda bnyk kali la sy minta keja. yg sy kana bg kerja2 draftman bodo ni.

Gerard: Will apa kau buat skrg? ada sudah tu malayu bg kau kerja? apa tu dratman.

Willie: kira loading pile cap ni. dia x tau pa lg keja mo bg.mcm 2torial saja...

Gerard:Bhgian consultant gitu la ba kan! Org lain kana bg kerja apa? ui na sia skrg di site lagi la, jd mandur. X buat apa2 tinguk ja. tgk pekerja indo dan bangla. x ???. kerja bnyk delayni pile silap pasang. Lol.

Gerard: Kau ada kerja sudah ka?

Friends SMS : Marcellus

2008-05-13T06:49:00.000-07:00

Somtimes I don't feel to delete the SMS i got because i got a feeling towards those SMS. I found it special especially when its from certain people.

Marcellus...
the day before his operation, Didi ask all gifters to entertain and pray for him. I texted him.

Gerard :
hi cellus, sia dpt
msg dari didi, kau
operation bsuk!!
wow, relax kau, ini
utk kebaikan kau
n. Lepas operate
kau misti sihat ni.
bulih la join si bat
manari lagi. Oh ya
kau mau tau kabar
sia, sia baru
gunting rambut d
sana yg AuW Auw
yg dulu kau sama
cam pomote sma
sia. rm7 sudah ni.
naik dah. Cis. So
sia ckp melayu sdh
sma dia. Then dia
pun gunting
senyap2 ni. Nda lg
dia bercerita. at
the end abis
rambut sia kena
gunting.
Mula2 sia
x suka. tp di church
kana puji ni. Gila
macho betul sia ni.
hehe! anyway i
will pray 4 u dude.

Cellus:
Hehe eya bsuk
pg :) hahaha mkin
champen da ptg
rmbt ar..tp spa2
pun dia x pndi phm
khdk sa
ekekeke..hensemla
ko ni kan :)

Gerard :
hi cellus, sia dpt
msg dari didi, kau
Yap...tp sia
memang
handsome ba.
Paling handsome
di GIFT skrg. ada
kemungkinana
paling handsome di
utm. tp kalau kau
balik nanti, sia jatuh
numbur 2 la ni.
haha.

Cellus:
hahaha tau x
pe..mgalah juga
ko sama sia arr
..ekeke skali
ngan plstic sgry
ni sia wat
ekeke

Gerard:
ba minta tu
pkr surgry kc
handsome2++
1000% kama.
anyway gud
nite,kau perlu
rhat ni. bsuk ko
mau btarung.
Rehat ckp2.
Sia pla bakr lilin,
bsuk da paper.

Cellus:
hehe K bha :)
aik bakr lilin
wat pa?

Gerard:
peribahasa
ba tu cellus.
maksud blajar
sampai pagi.
hahaha!

Cellus:
Owhh taula sa ni x
pwer mlayu pnya
perbhasa..k
gudluck :)

I just hope Marcellus will get well as soon as possible. may al mighty God cure him.

Internship

2008-05-11T03:33:00.000-07:00

too bad I just don't know what to write.
I am having my internship at Johore
Staying at Senior Kath House
Still doing find...
I don't know
feeling bad
lonesome
help
bye
no
I

exam

2008-04-24T02:18:00.000-07:00

So I f i don't get A for this subject. I will appeal for mark checking.

the PRESIDENT.

2008-04-22T05:48:00.000-07:00

So I am the NEW PRESIDENT OF Catholic Student society of Universiti teknologi Malaysia alias GIFT (growing in faith together.)
It's a big deal for me and the society members. the new excos and I will lead all others christian to new journey for next semester. this blog is going to be part of my life in GIFT. I just can't wait to operate next semester.

FlashBack before I become a President

2008-04-22T05:07:00.000-07:00

Chapter 1
I was in first year in my study.
i felt so alienated by the new culture.
I don't have real friend.
I am all alone trying to survive.

Thanks to my second family.
My aunts whom support me.
My cousins who were my buddies.
But that's nor University.

In this big university.
I was so lonely and all by myself.
"I don't like this place"
I uttered everyday

Worst Expectation ever.
never thought such beginning.
no chanting, whatever coming.
I will have to move on.

to break this lonesomeness
I joined Aiesecs and Choir.
cool, but not that much
then a somone came

Chapter 2

Who? it's the IK.
it's Nicki i still remember
He came sith invitation.
Invite me to a church.

I was as happy as kid.
thought this is the right.
guess what? heaven no.
it's a calvary church.

no offends on other denomination.
but I know I couldn't.
I love the new friends.
but I just couldn't

from there I realized.
I need to go to chuch.
where? how? i don't know.
Erik saved my year.

it was jimmy invited us.
there's a bus were chartered.
it's for us to go to church.
meeting new faces again.

chapter 3
it's all sabahan and sarawakian.
I'm kind of surprise.
the crowd they made in the bus.
before we reached the church.

Well! it doesn't seem like one.
a shop lot of church.
a catholic church.
how symphathetic.

not in 20 years to see this.
a very small catholic church.
the mass was like usual.
but at least I knew a church.

after mass, time for dinner.
ok, i just follow.
eat and drink together.
but I don't feel enjoy.

seriously, i felt weird.
i don't feel belong to them.
maybe I'm new.
but I got such feeling.

Chapter 4
After that, I was worried.
I felt not to go to church again.
then there was me.
living like a Godless person.

but after some months.
I went for church.
this time they got ICG.
A camp in Genting, i join in.

michele helped to pay some fees.
thank to cute michele.
I'll always remember.
you and your kindness.

getting to know more people.
they called themself GIFT.
What the heck is that.
I didn't know and didn't care.

there was ICG briefing.
and indian cleopatra-hair brief.
she briefed badly.
She was Anne beatrice.

Chapter 5
the next week I come to mass.
they had confirm seats of bus.
journey to ICG Genting by bus.
I got the morning travelling.

OMG, no, i'll be at malacca.
........to be continue.

My blog

2008-04-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

I am glad to write again
but I found out that I can't hardly figure out what to write. i felt my life's boring now.
So I browse into my old entries. It's cool. I don't remembered that I had such a colourful life.
I hope I can be as enthusiastic as last time.

GOOD NEWS

2008-04-20T06:38:00.000-07:00

Today....

I manage to claim my old blog from Blogger.com
A friend finally decided to settle our fight since last semester
I manage to finish my hardest assignment on time.

So here I am going blogging again.

after so long...

2006-05-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

I can't online here in my Aunt house... a lot of thing happen but I had no mood to jot them down. I tried to find job for this still long holiday. but none suit me. Had to get one sooner.Now I am in Speed Cyber Cafe with Lance and Louis...damn, rm3 per hour.

Civilization...

2006-04-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

I just finished the TITAS exam. It's a tiring paper because of the confusing answer option given. but talking about civilization or tamadun in Malay, there's a few question mentioned about the Civilizing Malaysia. I am wondering wether it brought goodness to the Sabahan etnics, like me. So what am I? My Father is pure Dusun of Tambunan whilst my mother is Kadazan-sino of Inanam (according to my Aunt, Kadazan-sino means more to kadazan instead of Chinese ). So, I'm Dusun. What is that?

I had done few research from various pages and I found some explanation of introduction to Kadazan/Dusun. I'll just cut and paste what I had read from the net.

source: http://www.flw.com/languages/kadazan.htm
Kadazan
Kadazan (Kadazanusan) has several dialects and is spoekn by the Dusun/Kadazan people of Malaysia. There are about 50 indigenous languages of Sabah, all belonging to the Austronesian language family. These languages vary in size from several hundreds to over one hundred thousand speakers. Most of the languages of Sabah belong to one of four subgroups: Bajau (Sama-Bajau), Dusunic, Murutic and Paitanic. The Kadazandusun language belongs to the Dusunic subgroup.

Dusun/Kadazan group is the largest indigenous group in Sabah. They are actually a collectivity of ethnic groups speaking similar languages and dialects as well as having similarities in culture and traditional beliefs. Within this group there exists at least 10 distinct languages with possibly 30 or more dialects. There are some people of this Dusun/Kadazan group who prefer to call themselves Dusun, while others particularly in the Penampang/Papar areas prefer the term Kadazan

Source : http://rymza.blogdrive.com/archive/97.html
Kadazandusun (a.k.a 'Kadus'):

* The largest ethnic group in Sabah, making up 1/3 of the state population.

* Out from 0.8 million Kadus-es all over the world, less than 50% can speak their native language.

* From those 0.4 million (rough estimation) who can speak Kadus, 75% of them are over 40 y.o.

* Less than 5% of those under 25 y.o can speak the language.

* Due to its extreme complexity (in terms of grammar, syntax and semantic), Kadus Language is almost impossible to be taught effectively at schools (using formal and conventional method). It must be nurtured at home, naturally.

Source :http://www.multilingual-matters.net/cilp/001/0415/cilp0010415.pdf#search='kadazan%20dusun'
It's a PDF file. The point of this article is about Kadazan/Dusun Language.

There are 138 language in Malaysia, of which 54 are indigenous to Sabah (Grimes, 1996)
13 indigenous languages are classified under the Dusunic language family.
...according to the 1999 Sabah census projection, speakers of kadazan /dusun ethnicity should have numbered 7500,00 by 2000-making it the largest single language community in the State.
Kadazan/Dusun speaker are mainly ofund along the west coast of Sabah and also extending some distance inland.(Banker & Banker,1984)
According to Banker & Banker (1984), this language consists of a chanin of dialects that are reasonably understood bye neighbouring communites. But because the language differs in varying degrees, it maybe difficult for one end of the chain to communicate to the other.
Bahasa Malaysia, the national language of Malaysia since 1963 (Omar, 1984), was selected on the basis of having the greates number of speakers - at the time the Malay people made up more than half of the population of peninsular Malaysia. However, Sabah with 80% of it's population consist of the indigenous ethnic.
Kadazan/Dusun-beginning, the penampang populace - south-east of the capital Kota kinabalu - was first introduced to literacy through the school-building by Mill Hill Missionaries early 1880 s. Despite the establishment was interupted during WWII, it is resiliently set up again after war. It's known as Native Voluntary Schools in 1960 s.
They appealed to the local Kadazan and Dusun folk because they `opted to teach literacy to rural folk initially through their local Kadazan or Dusun Dialect only shifting gradually by the third or fourth yeat in English' (Reid ,1997)
The language underwent vast developments post-war. The year 1953 saw the Language had been introduced in the all-English newspaper Sabah Times. the followed by the Radio Sabah and massive publication of literature.
During the Nationalisme era (after joining Malaya in 1963), Mother-tongue developent went into decline as ephasis was put on the acquisition of the national language, Bahasa Malaysia(Now they called it Bahasa Melayu.) To safeguard social and economic interests as well as to assist assimilation into the fast-growing Malaysian culture, Kadazan/Dusun Parents had begun to allow the use of the Malay language in the home.
This did more harm than good when code-mising became evident, slowly removing the need to converse in the mother tongue. (Lasimbang, 1996)
The now-apparently loss had only begun to be identified in the realy 1980 s. By then, the infiltration of 'broken' Kadazan and Dusun songs into the music industry had added further damage to the situation. Their fun and catchy tunes belied the growing disparaging view held against mother-tongue use by many Kadazan/Dusun speakers.
Therefore, as has happened in the many other languages situations around the world(Mulhlhausler,1996), modernisation and developement has meant that the ecology of the kadazan /Dusun language chains was breaking down and powerful new languages were entereing that ecology (Bahasa Malaysia and English).

Opps... Maybe I had gone too detail. I'll try to make is as short as possible. (ASAP)

Common Language/etchnic, nor could they agree to the labels outsider had for them. Since language labellin gworks only if members of a grop open to it , the not un-alike Kadazan and Dusun communities had to conted with the continuing pressure to arrive at a single way of identirying themselves.
By the 1960's it become obvious that this dilemma was also causing problems for the preservation of the mother tongue. While the desire for the mother-tongue education was central to bothe communities, the touchy subject of identify - whether Kadazan or Dusun created confusion as to how to go about the matter.
Finally in 1985 there was a break through with the crucial decisions being taken on the orthography and in in 1995, the standardisation of dialects materalised.
With that, a close approach to a wider group identify was archieved.
But it's a hard process as to educate Kadazan language in school which were also the dream of the Kadazan/Dusun must gone through the standardisation of various dialect of the Dusunic dialect.
after the standardised process was done, a labelling matters occured wether to label as Dusun or Kadazan.
In Sept 1990, various fruitless effort on forwarding the Kadazan Language in school. Then in 1994 when a Honourable Tan Sri Bernard G. Dompok, began seriously pursuing the matter.
By that time, Kadazan Language was taught in private class, later on under the pressure by YB Tan Sri Bernard G. Dompok had manage to start a Kadazan Language class in April 1995.
However, the labelling problem still occured. But eventually the Sabah Education Department played the mediator for the two cultural custodians - the Kadazan Dusun Cultural Association and the United Sabah Dusun Association - on deciding the name of the standard language that was taught in schools. And after some compromise, the term 'Kadazandusun' was chosen as the official name of the shared language.
In 2000, the Kadazandusun language was being taught to 19731 children by 881 trained teachers., 440 primary schools in 21 districts throughout the State of Sabah.

Yeah some brief story of the Kadazandusun language...more details, After reading the whole article, i had in mind that the Kadazandusun Language may had gone through a big development in the . But from my experienced, I can see this language is still in danger. More and more of my Kadazan or Dusun friend can't speak this language... are those effort mentioned by the article above fail? or maybe the situation for 20 years ago were worst and now we are pursued to be proud because of this 'little' development.

Go back to the spirit of my entry, language had a big role in civilization because of it importance. Language show the identity of one culture. Ok see this, since Bahasa Malaysia had become the major language in Sabah, at the same time Sabah also going through the civilization process in the name of Malaysia. I wondering to like it or not. will harm the Sabahan tribes as it had done by language previously until now? Where are the Kadazan Dusun identity?

Source : http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/reference/kadazan

Kadazan

The meaning of the word 'Kadazan' in english means 'the people'.The Kadazan/Dusun is the largest ethnic group in Sabah. Sabah (with Sarawak) is part of the Federation of Malaysia.The ansector of the Kadazan/Dusun people are farmers.The word 'Kadazan' is used largely by the more educated Dusun people to describe themselves. It is used mostly in the Penampang and Papar area.

Language

The Kadazan/Dusun language is a dying language. All of the public school in Sabah does not teach the Kadazan/Dusun language. This is also due to the fault of the Kadazan/Dusun themselves who view their language as outdated and prefer to speak in the Malay language.There is significant different between the Malay language in Peninsular Malaysia and the Malay language use in Sabah.The Malay language used in Sabah are mostly influence by the Kadazan/Dusun language. Example "Celaka" in the official Malay language is "Silaka" in the Sabahan Malay language.

Make a deduction, the the new generation can't speak their mother tongue, what would happen to their race identity? Lost swallowed by other identity...ermmm. Yeah one more, Sabah now are called as one of the State in Malaysia. But according to the Malaysians History, it is a part Federation of Malaysia. I think She, Land below the wind should be more than just a state.

well, here's long pasted document from Wikipedia...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kadazan

Kadazans are the major subgroup in the ethnic group Kadazan-Dusun, who collectively, are the largest ethnicity indigenous to Sabah, Malaysia. They are found mainly on the west coast of Sabah, surrounding locales and various locations in the interior.

Being an indigenous people, the Kadazans are inferred the same political, educational and economic rights as the predominant Malay population of Malaysia. The term ascribed to this is Bumiputra, a Malay word, which is translated to 'Sons of the Land'.

While Kadazan was an official designation for this ethnic group, it is widely believed that the term itself was a political derivative that came into existence in the late 50's to early 60's. No proper historical record exists pertaining to the origins of the term or its originator. However an article written by Richard Tunggolou (available on the Kadazandusun Cultural Association website) on this matter may shed some light. According to Mr. Tunggolou, most of the explanations of the meanings and origins of the word ‘Kadazan’ assumed that the word was of recent origin––specifically in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s––as assumed in the explanations for its origin from ‘kakadazan’ (towns), ‘kedai’ (shops), and from the claim that Kadazan politicians such as the late Datuk Peter J. Mojuntin coined the term. In fact, the word ‘Kadazan’ is not of recent origin. Owen Rutter, in his book, “The Pagans Of North Borneo”, published in 1929, wrote: “The Dusun usually describes himself generically as a tulun tindal (landsman) or, on the West Coast, particularly at Papar, as a Kadazan.” (page 31). Owen Rutter worked in Sabah for five years as District Officer in all five residencies and left Sabah with the onset of the First World War. This means that he started working in Sabah from 1910 and left Sabah in 1914. We can therefore safely say that the word ‘Kadazan’ was already in existence before any towns or shops were built in the Penampang District and that Kadazan politicians did not invent the word in the late fifties and early sixties. Thus, the most likely explanation for the term ‘Kadazan’ is that it means ‘the people’.

Presently, the Kadazans are associated together with another similar indigenous tribe, the Dusuns and various other indigenous peoples, under the blanket term Kadazan-Dusun. This is officially recognised as the result of political machinations, specifically, a resolution of the supposedly non-political 5th KCA (Kadazan Cultural Association, which was then renamed to Kadazan-Dusun Cultural Association (KDCA)) Delegates Conference held between November 4 and November 5, 1989. It was decided as the best alternative approach to resolve the "Kadazan" or "Dusun" identity crisis that had crippled and impeded the growth and development of the Kadazan-dusun multi-ethnic community socio-culturally, economically and politically - ever since Kadazanism versus Dusunism sentiments were politicized in the early 1960's.

Kadazans and Dusuns share the same language and culture, albeit with differences in dialect. Many consider the major difference between the two ethnic groups to be their traditional geographical influences. Kadazans are mainly inhabitants of the flat valley deltas, conducive to paddy field farming, while Dusuns are traditionally inhabitants of the hilly and mountainous regions common to the interior of Sabah.

Religion and Culture
Before the influence of the British missionaries in the mid 19th century that resulted in Christianity rising to prominence amongst Kadazans, animism was the predominant religion. It revolved around the belief that spirits ruled over the planting and harvesting of rice, a profession that had been practiced for generations. Special rituals would be performed before and after each harvest by a tribal priestess known as a bobohizan.

Kadazan culture is heavily influenced by the farming of rice, culminating in various delicacies and alcoholic drinks prepared through differing home-brewed fermentation processes. Tapai and lihing are the main rice wine variants served and consumed in Kadazan populated areas, and are a staple of Kadazan social gatherings and ceremonies.

Besides food and drink, the Kadazans also developed their own unique dance and music. Sumazau is the name of the dance between a male and female, performed by couples as well as groups of couples, which is usually accompanied by a symphony of handcrafted bronze gongs that are individually called 'tagung'. A ceremonial ring of cloth sash is worn by both male and female. The Sumazau and gong accompaniment is typically performed during joyous ceremonies and occasions, the most common of which being wedding feasts.
Contemporary Kadazan food is heavily influenced by Chinese cuisine, with unique modifications and nuances as well as particular usage of locally available foodstuffs, particularly bamboo shoots, sago and fresh water fish, which is pickled. Water buffalo meat is a major staple food and the animals are highly prized assets, which are a typical requirement of wedding dowries.
Dowries are paid to the bride's family and an elaborate negotiation is arranged between the groom and bride's families. As a traditional gesture of politeness and civility, the dowry is metaphorically laid out with match sticks on a flat surface, with a representative from each side pushing and pulling the sticks across a boundary to denote the bargaining of the dowry. Dowries traditionally consisted of water buffaloes, pigs, sacks of rice and even urns of tapai. Modern dowry negotiations also include cash and land ownership deeds. Kadazan women from the Tambunan, Penampang and Tuaran areas are widely regarded to have the most expensive dowries.
While it is traditionally customary for Kadazans to marry within a village or a neighbouring village, a change of xenophobic attitudes over the past few decades has eased the difficulty once associated with inter-racial marriage. The Kadazans have a particularly good affinity with the local Chinese and this has resulted in the coinage of the term Sino-Kadazan, which is a phrase used to describe the half Kadazan, half Chinese offspring of such unions. Due to the overwhelming Christian influence, marriage to muslim spouses, which results in a mandatory conversion to Islam, still induces outrage and rejection, and is known to divide fiercely traditional Kadazans. Of late, Islam has been embraced by a growing minority as a means to political ends considering the fact that the local Malay minority has gained political ascendance in recent years.
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Language
It has been suggested that this section be split into a new article. (Discuss)
The Kadazan language is an amalgation of various influences, mainly coming from other indigenous tribes in North Borneo and the adoption of various Malay words. According to legend, the Kadazan language has its roots in the migration of a band of seafaring Chinese from Southern China. Anecdotes describe a provincial Chinese tribe whose language differs greatly with the common Chinese dialects but bears striking similarities to the Kadazan language; a tribe whom purportedly bear a physical resemblance to Kadazans as well. However, no research or concrete evidence has risen to support these claims although it is supported by authoritative figures in the Kadazan community.

As in many countries with a singly dominant language, the use of the Kadazan language has been on the decline for the last few decades. As a result, Malay is spoken fluently by most, if not all Kadazans, although English is spoken fluently by more Kadazans than any other ethnic group, due to the influence of British missionaries. With the decline of the usage of the Kadazan language, the Sabah state government introduced policies with the objective of preventing the extinction of the vernacular languages of many of its numerous small ethnic groups and has, in the past decade, encouraged public schools in Sabah to start teaching the Kadazan language, among other indigenous dialects. With this initiative, a concerted effort was also made to officialise the Kadazan language and standardise its written form.
Kadazan language belongs to Malayo-Polynesian languages branch of Austronesian language family.
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Language sample (prayer)
(1) Tama za doid surga apantang daa oh ngan nu koikot oh Perintah nu kaandak nu adadi doiti id Tanah miga doid Surga. Pataako dagai oh takanon za do tadau diti om pohiongo dagai oh douso za miaga dagai do popohiong di nakahasa doid dagai kada zikoi pohogoso doid ponginaman katapi pahapaso zikoi do mantad ngaaci do kalaatan. Amen. (2) Ave Maria, nopunu' do graasia, miampai diau o kinoingan, obitua ko do id saviavi' tondu, om obitua o tuva' tinan nu Jesus. Sangti Maria, tina' do kinoingan pokiinsianai zikoh tu' tuhun do mominiduso, baina om ontok jaam do kapatazon za. Amen.
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Translation
(1) Our father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever. Amen. (2) Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God. Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

It's been so long I never heard Our Father in KadazanDusun. Ok let me go straight to my little more point. Indeed the Kadazan/Dusun indigenous (Kadazan, Dusun, Murut, Sungai and Rungus) ethnic had a great memorable unique and beautiful cultures. But I think due to some irreversable, impreventable, the lack of civillized properties and certain circumtances , the Kadazan Dusun with it lack of historical story can't independantly reach the glory of peak of civilization. ermmm....there's more to write but it just too much....

TITAS...

2006-04-16T17:26:00.000-07:00

17 Apr 2006, Monday...8:30am

So half an hour later I'll be sitting my TITAS paper...the exam hall is very near to the library, I stop awhile and had an update on my blog...

TITAS (Islamic and Asian Civilization 1) is a 2 credit hour subject which it's exam will be onjectively questioned. It's thought by Cik Akmaliza bt Abdullah, whom sometimes i argued with about Islam and Christianity (most of the time she start it first). I had my revision yesterday by reading the lecturer's note on the internet...

I had checked my carry Mark for TITAS...i had 50 mark out of 60...glad. whatever the result is, final is still the determinant to know the absolute result. ermmm....

Easter Season...

2006-04-15T01:04:00.000-07:00

start with the ash wednesday...
Lent season as preparation...
we lived on the 40 days of fasting...
we rejoice with Palm on Sunday...
welcoming Him on a donkey...
then come the monte Thursday...
He washed the disciples feet...
Had The Last Supper with them...
One of them betrayed Him...
as it was written in the scriptures...
Him instead of Barabas cruxified...
we sinners had sent him for cruxifiction...
He died on Good Friday and was buried...
on the Third days, He rose again...
Alleluia!, glory to the Son of God...
a good news, our faith renew...
Happy Easter day,Jesus had risen...
Happy are those who believes...
as you have eternal live...
as the good news proclaimed...
and with love which conquer deaths.

Study week...

2006-04-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

15 April 2006 2:22 p.m.
Virginionia's Condition: Dying (Power supply problem! another one! It's a reminder for me to do revision not playing games.)

so my exam started on 17 Apr 2006

17 Apr TITAS

19 Apr Applied Mechanics

20 Apr Fluid Mechanics

25 Apr Diffrential Equations.

So my plan is to keep on study and do a lot of practices. later after Fluid Mechanics 20th I'll go back to my Aunt House with my stuff by cab and study Differential Equations there. ermm Aunty Kath is going back on the 26th, It's better for me to go back early. Then on the 24th or 25th I'll go back to UTM to finish up my last paper...

before study week...

2006-04-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

Now, Study week had started...I hope I can do my last minute revision with my friends and also alone. But at this moment, I am at my Aunt's room (Aunty Jay). We, at johore had visitors...Aunty Kath and uncle Alex(Aunty Flocy's boyfriend) and also surprisingly Ideline (Idel is my cousin, previously she became singer as a career in a hotel).

Actually I reached here since Thursday (6 Apr) because they'll arrive on (7 Apr midnight), I wanted to lend a hand in the house cleaning work...But I have to go back to Taman U for GIFT planning camp on Saturday which start on Friday...(GIFT is a UTM Roman Catholic student group, I had become one of the Exco-Faith Department under the president...) Meaning, I had the 'visitors' as a reason not to come on Friday. But after considering time and Barbecue in Taman Molek which they'll have it on Saturday night, I switched my plan to come on Friday until Saturday afternoon and skip the Saturday till Sunday session...

So I have a great fun in SCC with the GIFT exco's...then wearily exhousted walking under the grizzling rain to get bus going to Taman Molek on Saturday afternoon.

When I reached there, I saw Uncle Alex and Aunty Flocy playing badminton, Louis and Lora having fun with the neighbour, Uncle Law and Aunty also here, Aunty Jay was in the room, Janet together with Jill was here and also Idel and we start our first word with 'aik', Aunty Kath frying the chicken ermmm Barbecue was cancelled due to the wet barbecue set according to Louis... So they had KFC (Kath's Fried Chicken), some roasted chicken, some salad and also hot chillie for dinner, I didn't eat meat due to self control for Lent Season...So I fried some Egg and eat with Salad what a 'Fault' combination. Oh yeah, My mum enclosed one parcel to Aunty Kath. It was a some traditional snacks also Catholic Sabah and PTPTN document. I got it and eat it some...

yeah...then later on they opened table...open table to play Jin Rum Mee...more people coming. Aunty Angie and Uncle Neal, Ian, Steven, Aunty Ann and Uncle Calextus and Also the Five C's- Courtney (CC), Cassy, Cindy, Chelsea and Camelia ermm not to forget the hamster Camelia bought, Joe and Joel, Uncle Clay...yeah all of Sabahans in Johore gathered together... So what happened...

@ I can hardly find a seat but only upstair to rest.

@ The house was full.

@ Two table opened-another for Lap Lap Foo...

@ Lance and Louis had more chance to play Dota...

@ They had beer while gambling and chatting and maybe bullying...

@ Lots of stupid Joke from the brilliant Uncle Nel...

@ Uncle Calextus force me to drink-I decline' by accepting' then didn't drink-it's Lent Season!...

@ Don't know why the roasted chicken wasn't finished...

@ The children had fun outside...

@ It was a joyful gathering ever in Johore...ermmmmm

everything ended earlier then I thought(3.00 am) because Aunty Flocy wanted to sleep...some going back, some still stay but going out to eat heavy supper and some sleep like me...I was very tired lorrrr !

My Computer (Eventually, Not end yet!)

2006-04-04T03:06:00.000-07:00

eventually
(problem never end....)

tuuuuuuuuuuuttt.....tuuuuuuuuuuuttt....tuuuuuuuuutttt

I think this was one of test given to me by God during Lent Seasons. Virginio and Virginia lost their memory again......The irritating noise made by the computer shows that the new DDRAM got problem again. Lost control and temper, I curse out loud..............!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried using brendan cable but still nothing happened. Switching off the computer, I fall off my self on my bed, full of frustration and sadly wondering......

Why do I have to end up like this ....Lord Jesus Christ, gives me the strength to stay faithful to you.

My Computer IV

2006-04-04T02:14:00.000-07:00

It was Sunday night, anticipating to used my own already fixed computer to do my assignment.

In may room, my roommate wasn't there. Dark cold night. As I excitedly plugging everything required to my computer....then i realized. A big problem rise up.

I lost my power cable and also my monitor cable...confuse, sad angry and dissapointed, I tried to search everywhere in my area of the room but found nothing. No they weren't in my room. So I sat down and hear some music, relax and try to reflect where did i put them.

from the jogging - simon, rhoda - saturday 25th Feb, -century-claim it back - then Aunty flocy house taman molek, Kenny Johore jaya then UTM.....then I remembered that when Simon brought me back to my college from taman U, I forgot my cables in his friend's car. oH man...what a mistake, I borrowed Brendan's phone who was already came back to text Simon and ask from him. I did it as friendly as i could and get reply after very long time. He'll try find it and send it to me. I am glad but still unsatisfied for my recklessness.

to shorten everything. Simon never come. I tried to contacted him again, his reply never made a good result....he was asking me what type of cable is it....I answer him...and nothing happened!!! hmmm. Ok forget about it...

so again I had to do my assignment using friends PC. I could sense Dee were such openly let me using his precious powerful Pentium M laptop anymore, so I had to use the others....there's no way I was going to use Brendan or Eric PC....I just don't feel want to. most of the time I used the library assignment section of computer, sometimes used my group member Wai Choy (Asus computer) to do it....had one time urgently i need to finished my work, I used Zool's (a friend from Sarawak, computer freak, stay one level above my block)computer. but that time, there's no electricity in that level...stupidly and surprisingly at my level there was electricity.!? So I borrowed his Cables and for the first time after so long....Virginianio opened his and her eyes again in UTM. To my disappointment, I didn't have Microsoft Powerpoint in my computer. Huh...I had faced so much trouble with my computer right? So, with frustrated action I shut it down and pull out the cable and come back to Zool...Well Zool , he always had alternatives , smart but not very reliable....he got the Microsoft Powerpoint driver. But I declined to his offered and it may need long time to finish installing the program...again he come out with his idea, we got out of the room and tried to fixed the electricity switch problem. Yes, thank God, with less then 30 minutes I still have time to finished my work before going to class.

confession - not the religious confession. Last time I laugh alone at Eric who got problem with his newly bought computer. Now, Sadly, I faced even worse problem then him. I hated when he went to my room and asked my computer's condition and give a teasing smile when hearing the same answer....huh!!!!

Solution - i got to buy new Cables....I still remembered last time, when I first bought this computer the monitor cable was left out and I called Dee to buy one for me as he was still at Taman U. He bought for RM12....for only monitor cable...whoahhh. But despite a unreasonable price, desperation force me to spend something for my carelessness. So last friday, (31 March 2006) I had GIFT meeting, I had nominated myself as a Gift New Exco for some post, but because of some conspiration, I got the Faith Department position...That was another story.) after the meeting, I went to buy the cables at a computer shops....again Century although there's more other computer shops but I quite familiar with Century already. In my expectation I would have spend more thatn RM20 for the cables, I planned to bargained hardly until RM 15, but surprising like both cable only costed my RM13....whoaaaaah, without compromising the price because 'shockessness', I paid...Then I went to Taman U Jusco to shop something and to find my friends. I couldn't find them, lonely I walk to the taxi station and took one went back to college. Ok, at least I had the cables with me....

To be continue....

My Computer III

2006-04-04T00:52:00.000-07:00

This is my another unsatisfying about my computer version of story.

So saturday's come....woke up very late as usual. I go down but everyone still asleep. Aunty Jay slept on the sofa. I went to their room with the two boys dying after war in the Dota sleeping. I surf the net and had a few games before everyone woke up.

It was almost 1 pm...Aunty Flocy asked me to take out the other portion of wet bread. She asked me to buy oil. a good time for me to settle the memory of virginia, I called Kenny (The computer Technician) to confirm him that i'll come to claim my warranty DDRAM, He suggested to come but I decline because he didn't know that I already move to Taman Molek. I asked Louis to follow me but he show an unpleasant reply who was actually waitting for his turn while Lance is continuing murdering. OK, Then I walk alone from Taman Molek to XP(cyber cafe)-Johore Jaya...

It was a hot day and I haven't got my break fast...I wonder how dedicate is Lance to walk such far to school twice during weekdays. Last time...I always remind him to think if he already walk that hard to reach school and went home in such difficulty without any knowledge in his head...it is a very wasteful...that's really shut him up.

to sort up everything. I changed the RAM (Kenny gave me another new RAM)and bought the most medium and cheap cooking oil before I took a taxi back to Taman Molek....RM7 for taxi....

so that evening we had doughnut for brunch. yeah Brunch...Aunty Flocy and Aunty Jay were enjoying watching a Korean Drama "path to heaven". ermmm so boring....

later one we had badminton match with the neighbour which I didn't join just watching. The neighbour were really newbies in sport lorrr. Who's the neighbour? Two cute babes age around 11-12 years old-carmen and Carry (Ke Min and Ke Yi)...and their brother maybe 15 years old (Jackie or Ah Hao). their mum allowed them to go to Aunty Flocy's house compound to play. Lora was the most excited among us. maybe louis and Lance too....hahahah.

At night, Aunty Vianey went to butterflying and sent by Uncle Law with lora, everyone's still watching TV.

yeah...Aunty Jay wanna to go out eat the indian food. but everyone couldn't find the key.so we just wait for Uncle Law to come back and bring us (me, Lance and Aunty Jay - Aunty Flocy didn't wanna join and Louis was asleep-forgeting and tired of waiting his turn). Because of ATM problem, Aunty Jay borrowed my money. I order for chicken Nasi lemak, same goes to lance and aunty vianey. Uncle law asked for Roti Canai. drink variety of cold and hot drinks. Then I remember I should eat meat, so, I gave it to Aunty Vianey. during eating. Aunty Jay and Aunty Vianey chatted a lot about their works. Hate to hear it, I began to change the topic with Uncle Law about something stupid bussiness. Lance in the middle can respond but just hear. I knew that Uncle Law also wouldn't like to hear what the Aunties would talk about, that's why I talk to him...but I can sense that Aunty Jay felt distracted. hmmmm.......

then we went back, I tried my computer using Uncle Law's Monitor and cable in his room (I got the permission ok!) . After plug-in the new RAM. toot....Virginionia alive.

Nothing to burst out after facing a lot trouble.

I tried to connect to the internet but couldn't. Unplugging everything and put my CPU out from the room. Happily at least my computer alive.

nothing much happened after that....the next morning, luckily I won't missed the church I woke up and had my bath and woke Lance up. We took Masai bus as instructed by Aunty Ann before. we reached at there St Theresa when it's already 2nd reading. St Theresa, a small church much remind me about Good Sheperd of Menggatal. But she have another building with 4 rooms for RCIA purposes. each room named with Mark, Luke and Matthew. Lance said he felt like superstar as the people gazing at us. hmmm, after mass, I bought a Today's Catholic newspaper and met some of the church people to ask some information. Gladly everything's done easily. then we had breakfast at Masai Marrybrown. Lance told about his strange dream...hahah very funny but I felt pity to those he dream of. I told him a similar dream I had before but he totally uninterested to say anything. Then we took JB bus to go back.

as we reached, everyone's still asleep. Aunty Jay was first to wake up and asked Lance to uninstall the Dota - War Craft Frozen Throne then she sit out side. Lance did nothing. then Louis come out from the room just finished killing somebodies and told Lance that their Dad,Uncle Desmond asked them to go to non-stop. Again, Lance wihout any action just sitting there calmly. ermmmmm...very nice plan Louis. hahhahah.

Aunty Jay wanted to go out to Giant to buys something for the house. so the 4 of us went to Giant by taxi. We had KFC as brunch, if I know i won't eat Mary brown. Louis and Lance had their hair cut.... Dudes tomorrow got to go to school lorrrr. Shopping in Giant supermarket. Lance got his most important that is the WAX....Aunty Jay bought some sport equipment like badminton net and others and also sport attires for her....The dudes got their new three quarter jeans. Louis didn't get his new school shoes-out of stocks. Then some food. I get my money back and went home by taxi.

At the house, Aunty Jay asked to put on the Badminton Net. and we had some games together with the newbies neigbours. Aunty Jay said I was her real challenge, Aunty Flocy join to play against me, lance seem interested to oppose me....Hey come on, I won't play seriously on a muddy ground court. hahahhahaha.

eat only banana cake, I get prepared to get back to UTM. Wash myself and asked Uncle Law to send me. Oh yeah, the car that uncle Law drive was Uncle Clay Car. Brought down the healthy Virginionia in the car. I asked Louis to clean upstair as a promise, again he gave an unpleasant look to me but he nodded as agreeing.

So I follow Uncle Law and Aunty Vianey together with Lora. Uncle Law need to send Aunty Vianey to her work place. It was almost 9.30 when we reach that place...I can't figure out what Uncle Law felt that moment as Aunty Vianey walked out from the car to and went into the big colourfully with neon building. The baby innocent but sadly asked her father: "Daddy, where's mum going?" while watching her mum slowly disappeared form her view. Then the daddy emotionlessly answered with a baby slang:"mummy go to work" and continue driving.

the dramatic journey had end now the destination is UTM. It was a long journey because both of us don't know the exact route. I am still a direction blind. So the sign board is a big help for us. I still spare some time playing teasing with Lora, the innocent growing up girl.

So UTM, I am back. I put out my stuff and thanked uncle Law for the ride. the night fill me with happiness knowing that I had my computer 'healed'.

As I plug in everything to my computer...then I realized that....!!!

To be continued....

My Computer II

2006-04-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

the friday's day goes like nothing just even more resting time, I haven't settle anything for my computer. As for dinner we had a traditional meal - Sago with fish Asam Jawa stew. That night, me, Aunty Flocy and Aunty Jay watch American Idol 5...though I already know the result. Lance and Louise busy with Dota...the other family was in their room. I sat lazily on the single sofa which then Aunty Flocy said when are we suppose to make the doughnut. I insisted for Saturday night...I don't know why? I just felt the saturday was the a good day as preparation to rest on Sunday. But since tonight, there's a good show. We decided to make it now...first thing was to buy planta (a cheap well known butter) and some sugar. Who's going to buy it? me and Louis. Where? nearby 7-eleven shop. urgggh I missed the pityful singer who'll be eliminated. as we came back, the flour is ready.

So as usually two large plastic bowls were placed on the table, two pack of flour divided into the two bowl equally and some flour was left for later. Aunty flocy with her magic hand pour the 'mother's bread' (yeast) into the flour. I don't know since when the butter is mixed with the flour....add up some sugar and salt and also some expert needed extimation of water poured to combined everything....I think so...the it's the work for the youngster... to beat the mixture for 20-15 minutes...me and Louis doing it. lance happily Dota-ing. well If I were him, my mind would be "gotta finished soon, I have to help them..." hahaha but I know Lance ways of thought, most probably he'll thought"hahaha, what a good excuses, I don't need to do the silly job."

But sooner or later he come and help as that was the time for Louis to continue the next game. beating until we done... the soft ball shaped mixture is left to be expand itself in the bowl with plastic paper closing it. Let the yeast to breath from inside of the uncook bread. yeah I remeber when it is about 10:45pm...Aunty Flocy asked me give a punch on the fully expanding wet flour. It broke in the middle where an exactly grip size of hole produce. And another beating session continue but this time slightly. By this time the show already finished and will be continued to the result show after half hour but Aunty Flocy wanna watch another programme.

so the doughnut shaping session...ugh very hard to describe. I really want to make a perfect ring of doughnut but never did it. I always made the stupid looks of doughtnut...broke one on side...less flour in some side...big unbalanced bracelet. the other portion of the uncook bread was carefully packed in a plastic bag and stored in the fridge....over all with one bowl it is about 35 home made uncook doughnut on the table with. The excess flour was used to prevent the fragile doughnut from sticking to the plastic paper.

the frying session...Aunty Flocy demonstrated how to cooke them. I could see it is important to make sure the middld hole is always big or else it'll getting smaller. next the to ensure that the correct time of cooking...we don't want to eat some over cook supper...

Few doughnut fail to reach the satisfying condition...still not cook yet... but despite so, my hungry stomach make me swallow after biting them. Indeed it need a lot of oil for this process...some of the awaiting doughnut were put in Aunty Flocy 's Microwave Oven...as I began to get expert in it... I asked Lance to continue. Some good people had boil water....Ahhh doughnut with coffee with good tv programme also not to forget with the nice relatives - most relaxing weekend i have...

As a result... I can see the if you use a microwave, you'll get a bread like doughnut...and if you fry it it'll be just exactly a doughnut. Sugar apply if needed. Lora didn't seem to like doughnut. Aunty Jay didn't eat any...ermm...the supper end up with everyone's in their room.

The Satursay comes...Need some rest...be right back. Toilet....but If I left this computer, someone might took it....emergency. it's very cold here!

My computer

2006-03-31T05:12:00.000-08:00

this is the story of a computer...

I'd forgot the actual date when I was jogging alone in Balai Cerapan, UTM and I met Rhoda and Simon. I know Rhoda (a Remote Sensing girl) during after the praise and worship in SCC very last time and Simon(his course Architech) was my seniors since in secondary school. We had a quite long boring chat...I know they are the strong people in CG, Cell Group which I hate so much to attend after only once. If they tried to invite me to go for any CG, I would rather declined even if I need to lie.

The good thing happen when Simon offered to help me regarding to my computer. He was willing to bring me to Century, one of the Computer technician shop in Taman U on that weekend.I was to glad for that because I really need my computer for Engineering Drawing assignment. Then before the night come (Late evening) I was brought to my collegue with Simon's friend's car. Rhoda asked me to give Brendan (my roomates) his coat which was posted by his parents.(Rhoda and Brendan is long lost neighbour). Brendan really need such formal cloth for some annual dinner which not related to a low grade student like me.

Saturday came, at 11 am. Simon came and I brought my CPU , power cable and monitor cable (just in case!). Surprisingly, Rhoda was there in the car too (This is not a suspend story ok....it's only a matter of my computer). Well the more ,the merrier. We went to have our lunch at one of the Chinese Restaurant. I ate a lot but I had mistakenly took the Cha Sau look alike flour made food (this was not the lent season yet).

Then we went to Century, a very small shop with a lot of computer stuff put everywhere but there's a lot of customer too...It was very simple, the malay girl sign a resit for me and asked me to call them back after 3 days. My computer (only CPU) was left there with a recorded paper adhered on it Bye Virginio.

Instead of going back, Simon wanted to go to Nike Factory shop to have a look for a good price of a sport shoes. But we went to Adidas first...indeed the price there are lot more cheaper then in Sabah. Almost 70% cheaper. Same goes to the Nike Products. They are original and had been localized (Malaysia,Thailand, Indonesia, Phillipines, Vietnam made!) but the quality might be vary....bad I guess. Simon didn't buy anything. So we went to Taman U's Jusco. He looked for Bata - (a famous Czech republican's product of shoes but being localized in Malaysia) sport shoes but he couldn't maked his mind. So we have our short shopping a Jusco. I bought gel for my hair lorrr....some McVities biscuits and more. Rhoda had a big shopping with the trolley full with things that almost her's. Simon finally bought the Bata Shoe....ermmm Yeah near the Bata Shoe, I saw a noisy machine that can measure people's weight and height, health and also luck with only 50 cents. it's kind of funny as I saw some people just forgot to get the result from the machine after the measurement taken.

Next we went to Taman Tun Aminah because they wanted to meet some of their friend, but their friend didn't reply the called. So, we turned back and a an afternoon Cendol break. It was indeed a great cendol...Rhoda sponsored some kuih pisang, friend mushroom and popiah. The stall is owned by a chinese muslim converted woman. she wore Tudung and I could see her sons and daughter was helping here in this small potential business.

After that, Simon sended me back to my collegue. I was so tired but I have to get ready for church....

after several days (five instead of three days), I contacted the technician and inquired my computer's matter. He said my RAM had problem and need to change...I afraid so much because the price was very expensive. But he continued to say that not to worry because I have the warranty. well my warranty was in Taman Molek...huh!

after some weeks I claimed it from Century and went back to Aunty Flocy house...since I already promised not to take any taxi, i carried along my CPU in two way busses. people eyes couldn't be stopped. I know.

I reached there almost a 5pm Thursday... not much changes. Lance and Louis was having their 1st mid term break for a week. Aunty flocy no more working. The memoir of Geisha's story in the reality world occured among the women in the house. Uncle Law remained the same and Lora seem really not well taken care. I say hi to Aunty Jay hwo seem tiredly and so relax sitting on the single sofa. One of the sofa upstair had been move to downstair... at least i still have another to sleep on. Lance and Louise were very busy to fill their holiday with Dota as they aren't allowed to play during school days. Lora seem to forget my name...haha poor baby. so the evening start with a little shop at QQ market where me, Aunty flocy, Lora and Louis went to buy some food. I remind them I would not eat meat as my way to respect the Lent season.

The next day was a lazy Friday....the libray will close soon, I need to publish now.... to be continued....hahaha

After so long...

2006-03-31T04:48:00.000-08:00

Here I am again with a very Good news in this Lent season...

well, one of the most importand days in Roman Catholic is the Easter. the day when our Lord rose from the dead. Lent is a Forty day Fasting of preparation for Easter. Lent begins on wednesday, called Ash wednesday.

we'll fast for 40 days as well as Jesus, Son of God fasted and was tempted in the wilderness for 40 days. Lent is our time to fast, do prayers, tempted and repent. Actually there's no words in the scriptures needed us to fast but fasting has been a custom for Christians to practices for most of the last 2000 years.

Lent = fast. But there's confusion whereby, we are not suppose to fast of Sunday. Sunday are the days of celebrations. So Lent is going on for 46 days beginning of Ash Wednesday.

The focus of Lent was always threefold:
1) it was a time to prepare new converts for baptism through intensice classes and instruciton.
2) It was a time for long-standing Christians to reviews their lives and renew their commitment to Jesus Christ.
3)It was a time for backsliders to be restored to the faith.

For a Christian, these are some question that need to be consider during Fasting season.

Am I sharing gladly what I have with others, especially the stranger and the poor?

Do I have a gracious and patient attitude with others, especially those who irritate me?

Do I feel the power of connection to God and the church in corporate worship?

How is my devotional and prayer life progressing? Am I listening to God more and complaining
less? Is it time for a change or a growth in my Bible study and prayer life?

What are the lurking sin problems, which still plague me?

Am I as thoughtful and forgiving of family as others, or do I take my frustrations out on them?

Do I speak up for the maligned and oppressed, or do I remain silent in order to remain popular?

tha's a bit about lent season...
I wish I could do this....

Don't ever says to God ;"d, I have a big problem. "
Try this: "Hey problem! I have a God."
We had a great big wonderful God.
Powerful and mighty with love.

Just leave it as a friendster message.

2006-03-16T20:56:00.000-08:00

Ok from now one I won't be posting any pasted letters from friendster. I'll just let it be a Friendster message alone.

Reply to Brian

2006-03-10T22:41:00.000-08:00

as i remember the promise comes along as i forget it!?

Message:

Im glad to hear from you guys;
So everyone's ok right there;
good and thanks for you nice reply;
redesign strategy, already;
Do a lot excercise, I will;
Read Short note, good Idea;
long-detailed note waste time, true;

talking about new strategy;
I tried to mix around;
mix with the chinese;
especially chinese;
because I can see;
I can sense and feel;
Majority chinese succeed;

I'm glad I could speak mandarin;
kind of strange with them;
I had a lot of fun during weekends;
see!!! last week I had karaoke;
this week I have Barbecue;
i am afraid to waste so much time;

But I bear in mind;
I always remind myself;
that I'll always study with them.
I could see the light side;
the good and positive side;
I keep it up on and on;
never stop but rise up gradually;

Haha, you are boring aaaa;
well I am doing this;
they called it "widen the circle";
means to meet more new people;
more interaction and communication;
huh kinda hard for me;

My number is still available;
sometimes i'll open it;
switch it on with friend's phone;
I tried to message teck;
text teck, my friend but failed;
Is there anything wrong?

Girls, new girlfriend, shit!;
what? you're in progress!?;
good attempt, but be passion!;
I have nothing to say about it;
because I'm bad in it;
good luck, I am glad to hear it;

your trial exam in over!!!?;
best luck and enjoy the break;
You wanna come?;
you really wanna come?;
are you sure about if?;
I am so glad to hear that!;

Just come, If you wanna come;
I can arrange everything;
I have my aunty, my friends;
me myself would arrange it;
so when are you coming?;
looking forward for it;

ok larr till then! byebye.

reply from Brian

2006-03-10T22:14:00.000-08:00

Brian Chia wrote:
> dun worry lah , its normal one, you need to
> redesign your strategy i guess, maybe the wayyou
> study not so efficient, try to read short notes
> cos long and detailed notes waste time, andplease
> do a lot exercise cos its the only way to score,
> read only no use, do excersice. about us here,
> fine lah, teck is happy staying here with his
> girlfriend, kenny is happy with his colege
> although score not so good, me here very boring,
> feels like want to find new girlfriend. got target
> but she never give me any damm, so nothinghappen
> loh.haiiiiiiiii, very busy now cos got trial exam,
> looking forward 4 this march holiday, if i
> financially good , can i visit you there, got
> place to stay or not???? u cant come i can go.....

Hey! Help! They...

2006-03-07T07:55:00.000-08:00

There's light shinning;
reflecting on everyone's face;
although live a simple life;
life's under one roof.

A child would broke the silent;
Two half-maid help a lot;
one 'tree' generates necessity;
But technology are entertainment.

If they syntax could go in;
If the entertainment is synthesis;
if received and send in one key;
It's more useful than food.

Respondsibilities had been ignored;
Mutual feelings had deterioted;
Too much depend on the 'tree';
A mix problem caused by the line.

One say "I got problem";
One say "I got problem";
One say "I got problem";
everyone got problem.

What problem, may I help;
Yes, but how could it happened;
Oh I see, the stream of entertainment;
Causing a mix problems.

Life is too easy;
I can starat anytime;
I'll know when it's come;
Just relax and wait.

Argh! Life here's too hard;
there's now life here;
I've got to restart;
return and restart.

I'll just wait and wait;
no, you cannot go;
Just stay with me;
We'll just wait and relax.

Esay in the controversial ways;
restart without considerations;
wait until the rain of gold;
problem comes by attitude.

so let me stop the factor;
Factor of entertainment;
Huh! everyone had woke up!;
is life going to change.

Desperate now is the defination;
no more dreaming in the stream;
That's could be a cruel move;
But it's effectives.

Priority shown up in the middle;
but they want easy way;
now one stop, one go and one still;
that isn't good at all.

Thre's nothing to do;
the 'servants' and child could do nothing;
lives indeed changed but no different;
Why not just wait and see.

written on 27 Feb 2006 - posted on 0.10am 8 Mar 2006. hmmmm....

The Pretender!

2006-03-07T07:43:00.000-08:00

There's only three of them;
three good-looking guys;
too friendly and playful;
but there's one pretender.

Among the three guys;
only one very old;
only one very young;
but who is the pretender.

if one says it so;
one of the two will agree;
but maybe one more don't;
So, who could be the pretender.

The two would sleep together;
but another one can't;
As time past, they were in one bed;
could time find the pretender.

while playing one play happily;
another plays skillfully;
the last one played shamefully;
They are playing with a pretender.

two of them would share;
but one would never;
one of the two never ignore it;
could he be the pretender?

One would talk something;
another one would talk too;
But another one won't share;
which one is the pretender.

They talk what guy's talk;
They play like any guys;
They live like any other guys;
But there's one pretender.

the Pretender admit to one of them;
but nothing help the pretender;
Then, he tells the other one;
Now they know who's the pretender.

Now the life had changed;
As the truth revealed;
Life not like before;
Unlike the before the confession.

the pretender 7 Mar 2006 23:53 pm. written on 27 Feb 2006. No Comment.

It's a mistake

2006-03-07T07:38:00.000-08:00

I just realized
of all the past , i passed
of all hatred I put
It was a mistake.

I'm confuse now
I stayed away or rather hide
I ran without looking back
and it's a mistake.

I can see now
the truth of peanut's shell
I never thought of it
It's true mistake

I am a mistake make
For I never think more
I hope they wxplain earlier
It's still my mistake.

I shoul never do it
But i did and regret
After when it's irreversable
I'm wron, my mistake

23.41 pm 7 Mar 2006....Huh....Written on 27 Feb 2006

letters - messages to Brian Chia - Friendster messaging

2006-02-27T22:17:00.000-08:00

Hey how do you do?
How's your study...
I'm sorry for the inconvinient...
you guys can't contact me right?
I had sold off my phone to my cousins.
RM50 for 3315i not bad huh..
I was planning to buy new one.
but later, I can't find any ideal phone.
Ideal means nice, intergrated and cheap.
Hhehe...quite choosy, that's why.

Hey nice picture you have...Love it..
Seem happy and didn't change.
You are still steady and cool
keep it up dude...ermm...
talking about myself.
Dear friend, I am getting worse
but still ok and fine.
I can see that study is not in me
not inline with my soul.
not suitable with my condition.
not my time like the past.
I just don't know and I think so.

Hey, please pray for me.
I don't think i could make this
my family couldn't help
I can't study here. Really!
I need to become a Kia Su
A dislikable Kia Su.
act like that towards friends.
I really need full time study.
restart everythings back.
see, this course isn't tough.
not tough at all but I can't
I don't know why.

let me tell you my condition.
see, I got pointer as much as 3
3 for the first semester.
3 for a start, a bad start.
3 is not bad for bad students.
I am not bad student.
but it seem i will be one
3 synonym to water surface.
that's already past.
now everything's wrong for me.
eat, play and study.
that's normal and good.
enough said my deans.
but i was wrong.

my previous tests.
I had been the lowest.
lowest isn't studipest
i know that.
maybe lowest is laziest.
no that's wrong.
maybe strategies got problem.
I studied like normal.
I had been less wasting time.
but there's a but.
what I read gone
like the passing wind.
or passing tsunami.

foolish me why could that be.
it's gone from the test room.
gone away with time.
as time passed by.
I couldn't answer much.
I was afraid so much.
this shouldn't be.
shall or not, time goes by
and I be the lowest.
most embarassing.
Can you advice me?
how to prevent this.

foremost, I need attention..
not from anyone
but from you guys...
Just from you guys
thanks for the recent message.
just message me.
just text me online.
i'll feet your warm kind heart.
when to visit you?
ermmm don't know.
dude. you are so much free?
I am very not....Free.

well maybe after the semester.
which ended at the end of April.
well see you that time.
I hope to bring good news.
please let me be.
like one of you.
smart always plus cool.
I swear I'll work ten times.
ok i need to change the regulation.
if and only if I got good news.
news about my study
news about final exam.
I'll go to your place.
is that alright?

i had wrote too much craps.
I need to stop.
need to study-(I hope so)
but I must study.
seeing you smilling face.
makes you my role model.
hahah i seldom said this.
but i really have to this time.
gotta go.
bye

oh ya... I'll write to you again next week-promise you and also every weeks just to make sure my life is getting better. tell me what's going down to you guys there...hmmm

Fluid oh Fluid!

2006-02-27T21:22:00.000-08:00

i am so sorry fluid;
i did it to you;
Though i already promise;
promise to Moment;
promise to Land;
which I mean it;
which for all of you;
But i broke it;
and sadly to you;
my fluid oh fluid.

i had been tested;
it is very hard;
i can't help you fluid;
i can't at that moment;
and it's my fault;
i didn't get ready;
i overslept that night;
ignore you in loneliness;
Day comes but it's too late;
i'd tried but failed.

i never learn from it;
it's been so long;
i thought you're excluded;
Now, you are in a risk;
i must save you;
i won't promise;
No promise this time.
i'll swear to all of you;
with God helps and wills;
i'll save 'you all'.

specially to my fluid whom i felt guilty and sorry. Last day of February 2006-1.44pm. This happened to me and my fluid.....

I wanted to write more ...

2006-02-27T01:46:00.000-08:00

I had a lot in my thought which is the things that I should've and really wanted to write in my blog. I don't want them to just passed by without noting them. but i don't have time... uhhhh... yet I already bring Virginionia t Century Computer Service. Ok maybe I should write it in the old way in my planners book (a new one) then later transfer them to the internet. ermmm... see if and only if I get any time that can allowed me to write.

6.02pm 27 Feb 2006 (argh...need to go jogging with Dee.)

very busy

2006-02-23T23:44:00.000-08:00

I had been very busy until I can't even update my blog. So here's what happen in front of my eyes.

@I'd learned to make simple Pizza. It's indeed a very expensive food. Spaghetti is quite simpler lorrr.

@the one and only one who failed the applied mechanics test....35% HUAAAA. The lecturer displayed the whole class mark in a minute with a projector together with the IC's no. Damn, got one most disgusting boy really wanted to know who was the failer. He was asking who was that while he was just sitting right behind of me. He, even asked a copy of that result from the lecturer but of course he won't have it. Stupid.....me- shame on me....nahhh I promise this won't happen again.

@Virginionia still in coma. Hmmmm

@Stupid Civil Engineering Drawing course had made me gone crazy for another tonnes of works after another, I would be an architech if i manage to handle it.

@Next Thursday (2 March) is my mum Birthday together with Chelsea Amanda my cousin.

@had a new hair cut by Dee Aguindrew... Haha it's funny to get a birds nest hair. I'd let him to experimented and experienced on my hair. so that he'll get better next time. it's not bad but funny. So I put on my ear-ring to distract people from commenting my hair....It's work...hahaha

@I just applied my students Grads Card and already get my new matrix BSN card....after so long....

@I planned to get laptop and a 3G phone huh....by loan and hope to get that permission from my parents. See the loan is about RM5000 for 5 years and I'll get the both stuff in about 5 weeks.

ermm.... study....

the priority

2006-02-18T22:32:00.000-08:00

in front of me is a jar...
reflecting transparent jar...
I have enough sand, water and stone...
want to fill all into jar...

I would never do it ...
if I start with water...
then sand, stone wouldn't fit....
or stone, sand would hard to get in...
nor if I begin with sand...
water could flow freely
but stone definitely won't go in...

stone should I put first...
the heaviest and biggest...
then sand slowly pour...
move into the porous stone...
then water anytime ....
I have to learn to think
before I move...

3.00pm 19 Feb 2006 the proverb given by Dr. Ong...which I never applied to my university's life....

as I predicted....!

2006-02-08T21:23:00.000-08:00

it's was a hectic schedule on this Wednesday whereby I had class at 11 a.m. (I woke up very late due to the unfinished Auto Cad assignment) then swimming lesson at 2.00 p.m. But that night i'll be having Applied Mechanic test at 8pm.... I only had time from 5 pm to revise...In my thought I won't be needing to revise so much because I'd already had the basic and i'd been so hardworking doing the subject's tutorial question....

well...It's going to happen again as predicted regarding to my previous semester condition where I couldn't answer most of the question...i was totally forgot how to find the Resultant of two forces in 3D. I know now that i will only get below 50 % for the test.

Virginionia seem to awake but still very sick...thank god.

I cancelled my plan to go back to Aunty Flocy's house because Malaysians won't be having public holiday this coming monday. Yet, i haven't finished my auto Cad assignment and revision.

1.52 pm 8 Feb 2006

Virginio and Virginia death...!!

2006-02-07T16:45:00.000-08:00

well, I don't know what happen...I went to my aunt's house for the semester break (27 Jan to 6 Feb) to celebrate Chinese New Year and to spend my free time there... a lot of things happened which uncovered the other side of me (Can't write here).

So I went back at the a last hour before my class begin, tending to be dedicated upon my study I didn't switch Virginionia until when I really need him to continue my Auto Cad assignments. When Time had come, it was 9.30pm where i found virginio and my virginia dead....

I don't know what happen...I was worry that my work which due date will on the next Tuesday, I can't play games, listening to music and play My Computer anymore....Virginio wake up....please Virginia don't mad at me because I left you alone for a week.

ok....Virginia and Virginio were over...I can't just keep worrying about them... I have to do my assignment in alternative way...but how....ermmm then who...yess Dee, tonight I'm going to borrow his LapTop to finish one of my burden. but it is even worse that I have to redo all the work. wahhhh

Test... another test for Applied Mechanics, I haven't prepared well althought I know I could do it through my common sense. But I have to be familiarized with some terminology...oh ya tommorow also have swimming class... but tonight I'm going to finish Civil Engineering Drawing, then read applied. won't be having much time to rest nor sleep.

ermmm I want to make sure all things are done before I....well I am going back to my Aunt's House again to celebrate Chap Goh Mei....it's not about the party but I feel much more comfortable in my aunt house rather than staying at my University campus.

Oh ya... A friend of mine who also blogging had sended me a story....an I already read it but not the last two chapters....so funny, she used my name as the boy whom the protagonist had a crush on him. it's a nice story...I bet if I could have a studio, like Hayao Miyazaki with his Studio Ghibli, I'll sign a contract with my friend to make Anime. hahaha-dreaming. The story really remind me the anime entitled "whisper of the heart". unfortunately i haven't read the full story....why? my Virginianio is dead. hahaha...

till then

it's going to happen again!

2006-02-06T00:54:00.000-08:00

Huh....too bad I had a very low mark for my tests....have nothing to say anymore. wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

6 Feb 2006 4:58pm

After Mass.

2006-01-14T21:21:00.000-08:00

Everyone going home.
But, not the students.
Their bus will come late.
So, they'll find food.
Dinner at Taman University.
In a chinese food shop.
Ordering for pork meal.
Sweet and sour pork.
Together with rice.
Sit in combined table.
Big table, big group.
Chat while waiting.
Laughing at themself.
only time for enjoy.

Fernella and SylVy.
Two funny girls.
Any boy will fear.
Their speaked words.
lacked of manners.
in horrible ways.
But never a gossip.
Yet, it's merrier.
Later, the bus come.
They'll talk there.
Never stop, never.
until reach hostel.
that's after mass.

15 Jan 2006 Sunday.

Church

2006-01-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

The house of God.
two months of my truancy.
Skudai Christian Centre.
A Roman Catholic's church.
A shop-like small chapel.
Can't find any better.

Small but never full.
mostly UTM parishioner.
Students from Borneo.
Come for saturday evening.
English and Malay Mass.
As an understandable mass.

Early comers may sit anyway.
Any seats for everyone.
The right-front are choir's.
Choir who are also student.
Left side seated by students.
The Mid maybe the anyone.

Choir still doing practice.
Guitar, Organ as music.
Singing the common songs.
Those who had nothing to do.
who are mostly early comers.
Will chat until mass started.

The process is all the same.
Hymns, slightly different.
Three weekly bible readings.
Collection only done once.
Important Holy Communion.
Announcement and Conclusion.

Everyone's seem very happy.
Happy with the good news.
Happy the mass is ended.
It's time to go home.
They'll spread good news.
Until the next Saturday.

15 Jan 2006

Do you Believe...

2006-01-14T21:16:00.000-08:00

Do you believe the existance of God?
God, the creator of everythings.
If you believe, that's really good.
If you don't, leave it to me.
I'll prove to you in short time.

Open your eyes and look there.
Yes! you can see a long way road.
Stubborn hazel still stone on it.
Have you ever wonder of one question?
who put that stone on that road?

So what is you answer?...
No, not exist by itself
Well, whatever or whoever is it.
There must be something or someone.
try to make a general deduction.

Who put our earth in this universe?
Someone, something or some-One?
Yeah,what or who ever it is.
He is God and I had prove it.
Do you believe the existance of God?

14 Jan 2006 - it's been months uncle Desmond told me this.

...a peaceful night.

2006-01-14T21:14:00.000-08:00

Tommorow is Saturday.
Church, I must go.
now listening to music.
I'll be there song.
sang in various versions.
Jackson 5 and Mariah Carey.
Last but newest, westlife.
nice and sweet love song.
Never able to sing it.

It's 1.43 am Satuday.
Studying Mathematics.
Differential Equation.
I'm lack of fundamental.
I wished to revise.
revise means look back,
But in front of me...
and on shoulders of me.
full of yesterday works.

it's a wasted Friday.
I overslept till noon.
wasted the free moment.
Friday is my free day,
Yet I didn't appreciate it.
Games instead of study.
So be it, it's over.
I have to pay back tonight
.....what a peaceful night.

1.53 am-saturday 14 Jan 2006.

Tooth Paste

2006-01-14T21:13:00.000-08:00

Tooth Paste.
Had you figure out?
had you experienced it?
had you tried it?
Morning without it.

12 Jan 2006

The rainy night.

2006-01-14T21:11:00.000-08:00

my brain have problem.
He doesn't want to study.
it keep on thinking.
Flashing back the past.
weakening the pounding heart.
Slowing the blood circulate.
loosening the muscles.

my brain, I blamed.
had become so stubborn.
Maybe it turned stupid.
Why can't I control him.
I can't control any side.
live with too emotional.
too weak and fragile.

How I wish I could start.
make the first move.
move to open the book.
sit and study steadily.
fill him until the morning.
ok, talk nonsense no more.
just walk the talk. Start!

Untitled...

2006-01-14T21:09:00.000-08:00

Please don't find me.
I am lacked of what you have
Just leave me alone in this room
the dark room with only me.
there's no one could go in.
I won't allowed anyone.

I am sicked, please leave me.
Don't be so nice to me.
I won't be please with you.
No you don't understand.
Perhaps maybe but please don't
I don't wish to seek any help.

Don't try to understand me.
I don't want you to know.
It's in me for so long.
Let it be only in me alone.
Alone with my self with it.
live the life like this forever.

ransacked!

2006-01-14T21:06:00.000-08:00

What's an unworthy to be trusted.
The blue locker was opened without key.
Everything's still endangerly fine.
But he'd targetted what's interesting.
The 6 cm radius plate in the blue box.
He searched for what's black recorded.
He found them, a lot of them.
He's glad and there he fulfil himself.
He put it back improperly in the box.
inappropriate way as easily to be known.
to be spotted as they were disturbed.
Later when everything seem to be normal.
The boy as the owner come back very late
Owner knew it and don't like it.
Owner regretted not to keep it safely.
now he'd been labelled as a supplier.
now then he keep it in safer spot.
at least for this after tracked moment.

11 Jan 2006

Sensitive issue... I know but...I'm Curious.

2006-01-12T02:17:00.000-08:00

Today 12 Jan 2006, I was supposed to get my long nap for th whole afternoon, but I forget my key in my room. So I went to the library and slept uncomfortably there. Despite a weary and sleepy physical, I still managed to get myself sit still and surt the internet. Thanks, Jesus Christ.

Ok ok....Let me explain why I surf such probihited to discuss (at least in my area) document in the internet...It is very sensitive and usually our mind we automatically blocked from searching such 'illegal' file due to religious faith or something else.

But, i felt that the few years back I was wondering about it. I am not faith ful to my own religion....it's true. Why?

there's a malay proverb "tak kenal, maka tak cinta."(any appropriate word to translate this? - if you don't know, you won't love it.) was almost perfectly describe why i don't really being faithful to God.

Yet, I just learned some issue that had quite related to religion recently from my Aunties- the Princess Diana, The Da Vinci Code, Nostrasdamus and so on. That's really burned my starter to make a move to break the normal thinking into super curious.

ok, I just found two website:

http://www.answering-islam.org/

http://www.answering-christianity.com/ac.htm

I don't think I would have the time to read all of them. I just wanna mention that I found the answering-christianity.com first and I read more from it. I really hate it....

For those who haven't ready to face such issue please leave. Hehe....

4th of january~

2006-01-04T02:45:00.000-08:00

Wednesday early morrow 2.45a.m. 4 jan 2006 still haven't sleep yet.
a bit feeling stressed when thinking about tutorial work... a lot of them and I haven't get any of the hand out.
Just felt very sleepy in every class.because that night i can't sleep - play game, learn Auto CAD and when i tried to sleep, my room mate XXX and I can't sleep. at 2 pm feeling much much more want to slumb. at about 3.20 pm the lecturer announced that there'll be no class on the next Monday and the class ended....You see it! I was like winning a jack pot...see delight with that announcement. So I planned to go back to Aunty Flocy House on Thursday afternoon and go back until UTM next wednesday, I hate thinking of goin back to UTM. Haha. Oh ya...without realizing why, I felt fresh and not sleepy anymore.
I just asked the approval from my academic advisor for taking the second year subject. I am going to be very busy this semester. One more thing that could have made me busy was the co-curriculum which I joined swimming. it started tommorow but I don't have any idea how to go to the MBJB larkin for trainning. huh!
Busy...How I wish I could just stay at home...doing nothing but feel relieve much more.

at 5.27 a.m. Still not sleeping. won't be sleeping lorr..Watching "Flying by Heart" While studying Applied Mechanics. ermm. i wonder how....?
I tried to do some of the question but failed lorrr...that really alarm me where am i now...

about 8 am I went to pay and settle my insert subject application...Lost RM25....
Money....I eat breakfast, a cheap and I considered as break lunch.

Today I had Ko-Q, co-curriculum and I got Swimming. I suppose to get ready at the Ko-Q department before 2 pm but due to overslept and uneffective alarm clock, I woke up at 1.55 pm and rushed out my room. On the way i met Kimberly Han, a sweet Chemical student whom I knew since 2002-work in the same hotel as a banquet, with her friends. So I slower my path, had simple chat with her and eventually missed the bus. A free fair bus specially for swimming trainee. waaaaaa! The officer suggested me to go to Larkin-the place where the trainning are held. Wait a minute....see when I looked at the time, it was only 2.02 p.m. I wonder why in no time, malaysians become so punctual.

So I made a promt decision to get there and first of all i got a taxi to Taman U. Taxi was prohibited by myself as 2006 resolution in planning to control my financial defisit but I broke it. lost Rm5.00. However taking taxi to Taman U was a big mistake actually, because at taman U, there is no bus going to Larkin. So in Taman U I took a JB bus for RM3.00.

Just about 5 minutes, I saw two busses which taking Pontian-Larkin at the back. So I get down from the bus-see wasted already, but I wanted to avoid too much time consumed before I reach Larkin. Then, how was my fate dilocated so badly when both busses didn't stop at the bus stop I was standing at. The Drivers weren't even looked at me who was waving hand at them. Ermm...
So I walk until I reached Skudai parade and get another Pontian-Larkin Bus for Rm2.00 as a fair. Then when i reached Larking I wasn't sure where is it....It was started rainning whereby I took people whom asked for direction, suggestion to take a taxi to go to Kolam renang MBJB Larkin. I got at the stall market back side taxi which I was told to be cheaper. ok rm4.00

Die... Die...after paying the taxi, I don't have enough money! for the month...now left rm2.00.

Ok the swimming lesson which the instructor was a cool young guy with a perfect swimming physical and he told me - the late comer to change before going into the pool....what pool was it?...the deepest was only 6 feet. I considered shallow.... So what I learn...two basic skill of floating...quite hard but I manage to confirmed my instructor of my understanding and ability during the test without any repeats.

Uh...after swim, my stomach, ache of hungriness, painful. So when I get back to UTM...this time by the no cost bus, I went straight to the ATM machine and withdraw my leftover cash....wah lau way....last rm50.......I stopped my plan to feed my stomach. went to the library, read news and write this....

Money......but I still stick to my plan for tomorrow, that is to go back to Aunty flocy house after class.

all had started again.

2006-01-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

New Year. My new year main resolution is to get a better grade in both semesters of 2006.

so What i did for welcoming 2006. I didn't do anything except play Dota. But uncle Desmond come to fetch us and we had a Mc Donald a Lunch and later Lance, Louis and I were brought to Uncle Clay's House to watch King Kong DVD. Nice Movie. Funny, exciting, thrilling and Sad.

as the time nearl 12 am(new Year)!! Uncle desmond brought us to Orange Cafe which almost full house and there were band singing on one corner.(We had invited Aunty Vianey, but decline as Lora also don't want to join-Just like me during Christmas. Hmmm!). we ate fried Chicken (If I was in Sabah i might had eat roasted Chicken wings.) . The 2006 year come and we had the chance to see fireworks everywhere. We had quite lot of chat about history, theory, famous people and world stories which nothing to do with Dota. So no barbecue for this new year but at least there is something happening in me.

After That Uncle Desmond wanted to play games but i insisted that I needed to go back, because I need to packed my stuff. So when we reach Aunty Flocy's house, there was few more fire Works on the new promising dark sky. Aunty Vianey also came out to see.

So, the first thing I did was had a wash. later Dota until the morning come. Hahaha. then I started to clean the house. I felt dizzy when I looked the house dirtiness, and i couldn't do it alone so I just did what i could...then a 1 pm I had a nap untill 5pm. Aunty Vianey woke up just the time when I was about to nap. then when I woke up, I played Dota but Lance and Louis weren't there. Then I packed my stuff...and at 9 pm I called the taxi using Aunty Vianey phone.

I felt very heavy heart actually to leave and to start college again. I just don't know why is it when I spend more time there the much more I don't want to leave (I still remember that I use to have such feeling during my primary school). I had skipped the whole classes for last week butI still feel very hard to get start. I really don't like UTM larrrr....If I dare to just quit like what Alex did to matriculation...but I know I won't. My inside was like very heavy but my mind keep telling me you better go sooner or you'll pay for it.

The Taxi come and loaded it with my stuff. With short good bye, I left the house without looking back. Hahaha....

At Utm...the taxi charged me Rm35 but I got rm30 later after telling him that it use to be rm25. Then problem come when my room was locked. I hate the feeling when there is people looking at me. So I sneaked in from the window and unpacked my stuff then sleep...

Year End.

2005-12-30T12:45:00.000-08:00

So what am i going to plan for Tonight...
I hope that we the left over Sabahan people in JB manage to set a simple barbecue, knowing that everyone here have extremely financial inadequacy since we couldn't go back to our hometown.

Let's say a pack of chicken wing is Rm30, then Rm 10 for sausages and priceless gathering of the family member for new year...huh...quite cheap for a new year. But who is going to do the suggestioner...erm me! Let see if it happen to be a a little bit merrier new year or the dull null welcoming of 2006 like my 2005 Christmas....

Money! Money! Money! where's my Money~...

2005-12-28T14:19:00.000-08:00

Ok This year starting my life in Johore expenditure...hmmm

Income RM
Work salary 500
Dad's provide 2000
Pre-PTPTN Loan 1500
Dad's Provide 300
1st PTPTN Loan 3360
Choir allowance 120
Mobile Phone Trade 50
Total 7830

Expenditure RM
Registration 2000
New Clothes 150
Top Up 200
Aiesecs 250
Transports 500
expensives stuff 2215
KL trip(thrice) 300
Melaka trip 30
Genting Trip 100
food 250
meal 600
books and notes 200
unclassified 600
Total 7395
Balance 435

So what the stuff that I considered expensive?
I had spend some dollars for
1)A Computer...ermmm

Ok this electric brain aka 'Virginio' was actually Rm1700 but after upgrade into better processor and other hardware, It is about Rm1900. It is very useful until now. But i bought it at the eleven hours so only one of my assignment was done with this baby.

2) New shoes

The Dr Cardin shoes costed me Rm90 after discounted. It was so funny-the real price is Rm140, but later when i went to KL 2 months after that I saw It is only RM65 in Berjaya Times Square. ermmm. later on i bought another pair DC brand cost me RM60 after bargaining in Chinese language. But this is a fake DC shoes, i know but it is cool.

3)10 Kg single Dumbell set.
you can't see it! It is only the case. ermm. Since I found out that my body need some work out, I bought this RM60 Dumbell. At first i was so dedicated to build my body (even Lance said he wanted a body like me when he is in my age) but during exam i gradually stopped and no more nice builded protein in me. Ermmm 2006 I'll try my best to work out daily.

4)the Sonico

Nice to show off without regret. A very painful process of making this sonico. It is hard to take care and not everyone knew it and i mostly cover sonico even i was in the washroom. Costed me RM60 after bargaining to the indian tattoo maker with his unclean tools.

5)oh ya one more the UTM suiter....RM45. It was very nice to show off with this suiter especially during th ICG in genting. Ho ho ho!

So I guess overall it is RM 2215...........

What is the unclassified things...
I don't know. ermmm toiletries, comics, piercing, sponsored friend, electrical item registration and others.

Balance
according to the calculation above, I suppose to have RM435. However I only have RM100 in my pocket and RM100 more in my account....RM200. Where is the others Rm235. I couldn't figured out what I had done to my money.

Summary/resolution
I need to control my expenditure. Next year no more expensive stuff. No more trip except cheaper and important visit. No more food, because i won't be bringing my cooker and mini fridge to UTM anymore. Control meal. No more Top Up because I already sold my mobile phone to Chelsea Amanda, my cousin. No more taxi except there are share among friends for the fair. No more expensive stuff as the previous one suppose to be enough already.

I made such resolution because of knowing that I will be only get less than RM2000 for the PTPTN loan. I wonder how much is the registration fees for the 2nd semester. Money! money! Money! Where's my money~...

3

2005-12-28T10:40:00.000-08:00

well I had count my pointer for this semester... it is 3. Too bad but no regret.
Can't be a first Class Student anymore. Second semester...here I come. gulp!!~

The Boots

2005-12-28T09:41:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Audrey who uploaded this pic to her blog and I grabbed it without permission.

this model of Cos-play is my aunt, Auntie Jay. She went back to sabah to celebrate Christmas...Hope you enjoy the trip Auntie Jay.

Focusing on the boots, I designed that boots, well not too proud of this solidly boots. I got the idea from Dota All-stars, the boots of speed (Which cost of 500 gold in that game and very important to escape from being assasinated at the early level.) but to make it look more elegant, i made it double side of laces. With the help of Lance and Louis, I finished them in 4 days.

Not forget to mention about the apparel, it was designed and done by Auntie Vianey. It is passionately sewn by her and it look like she could make a bussines with it. But i could see that the size matter here. Previously, Auntie jay tried it on and she fit it just nice. however, the clothes looked big here. Well Auntie Jay turned thinner in Sabah?

Ya...where the heaven the sword come from...it is suppose to be an archer. ermmm it is still nice and just like the cosplay in japanese anime. The costume represent Queen Nzingha of Matamba But it is very different from the original version(of course lar) yet Auntie Jay Used the profile of Queen Amazon Tin Hinan in respect to the theme of the year Christmas Ancient Royalty. But Both also military Queen and from Africa lorrr....Ermmm now what quizzing me, how far was this costume gone through the competition. After judging the other contestant it is very no hope for this Amazon Queen. ....Sob sob!

Nzingha, Amazon queen of Matamba, West Africa (1582-1663) She was of Angolan descent and fought against European slave traders. She was a very competent military leader

So, I had missed out this 2005 Christmas Celebration (actually from year 2001 to 2005) but at least the boots bring my Christmas Spirit back to Sabah. beware year 2006!!!!!

See more picture on Audrey's Page.

http://www.20six.co.uk/msaudreyc

Christmas??

2005-12-25T04:06:00.000-08:00

Nah...
No Christmas for rpoyomega
So many trees so littlt time.
woke up at 1 pm. no church. no more holy day...yet college holiday is over.
Planned to skipped class for one more week.
damn.. no Christmas...I am not used to it.
woke up at 1 pm. straightaway sinned to the others.
Dota-dota dota. until Lance woke up and played together.
My stomach hungry....So KFC with them.
Only eat Rm4.90 fillet. shit. So stupid.
Now dota dota dota for christmas..

Hello

2005-12-24T05:38:00.000-08:00

Sad Christmas....Bye all. I am getting sick of myself.

My Result...!?!?!

2005-12-08T23:58:00.000-08:00

The check I made was the last day for viewing the result from internet - 5th Dec 2005

Too bad my Laboratory Practical only B+, I thought it was easy to get A for practical, as long as I submit the report. But things are not easy in University.

Next - I felt grateful to get C+ for soil Mechanics, this subject wasn't my favour. Geeting C+ was already beyond my anticipation. But someday I hope I could do better in this important subject.

What I concern most is my calculus result...I wonder why there is no result posted yet. Usually calculus Lecturer do their job immediately after the exam. On the other side of my head say that I didn't get the result because I skipped Calculus Class more than 20% of the attendance, however according to the rules of UTM academics department, if student don't manage to attend class for 80% of the attendance, he or she will not allowed to take exam. But I wasn't told not to take the exam last time, and more over my Survey Engineering result given None and the other one - Survey Practical, TD means 'Tarik Diri' or 'Quitted', so i guess the calculus lecturer haven't updated the result notification in the web yet. Yeah, I did sit for calculus paper and it's totally sucks. So, at this moment I just anticipating for the calculus result haven't been announced yet.

Oh ya this Blog was written on the 9th Dec 2005 at 4 .32 pm - Blogger.com didn't allowed user to change the time entry anymore, So I want to make it true manually....I just chatted with Aunty Diding in yahoo and now waitting for the weather to cool down and Aunty Jay and I will go to Dedap to safe the self-Unstopable Godlike Dota-allstars players, Lance and Louise

More music

2005-12-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

So after KL trip, life is even worse though I had the unlimitted internet connection. Very boring. So what I did previously. I watched DVD's, special regard to Princess Mononoke - a very good storyline and Characters but my aunt say she already watched this movie for the 20th times and the whole world already viewed it last time. Well I guess I was too late but I won't mind because at least I had the chance to see the famous Anime.

Other than that - I downloaded a lot of songs. I just started using LimeWire to download. It is easier to find audio or video source using this download manager but my friend, ajax - said it is vulnerable for sprware to do it's spying job on my computer. But I still use it, stupid stubborn that what I am.

I had downloaded most Pop Idol songs - Gareth Gates, Will Young, Kurt Nilsen, Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino and also some other songs from Westlife, Il Divo, Mariah Carey, Stefanie Sunand more, Illegaly.

I want to mention Westlife new album the song "When You Tell Me that You love Me" featuring Diana Ross. Hooh! I amazed by Mark voice...He sang out high note, I wasn't sure wether it is Falseto or real voice. He also sang sharply to the note and surprisingly Shane only back up singer.

My Game! Urgh...I began to be a procrastinator.

I went to KL

2005-12-05T03:02:00.000-08:00

So much to say...I just post this pic.

If I had time I'll write about the trip.

So Im Back...Where had I been...

2005-12-05T02:53:00.000-08:00

it started witht the business of helping Aunty Jay and her sons to move to Aunty Flocy's House. i could see both of her sons are not willing to help in any work especially when their mom ordered them. I was thinking that wether the sons was so lazy or the are not ready to moved yet. well the process of moving only took 2 days. Now I am in Aunty Flocy's house for the rest of my holiday.

Is it Saturday...Oh Gosh I forget the day....

2005-11-26T23:03:00.000-08:00

So today I woke up very late (12.30 pm) because I sleep very late (6.30am). My computer can online already after I message Kenny to ask for aid to fix my connection setting...

Today I woke up and chatted with Suzanne and Aunty U-nga(Don't know the real spelling). They are now at Houston, Texas. They seem enjoy during the Thanks Giving Celebration. I also chatted in Yahoo Messenger with Aunty Flocy she suggested Aunty Jay to go out at Dedap to eat Pan Mien...so I joined.

Just now, Aunty Jay and I went to Aunty Flocy house. Aunty Flocy, Aunty Jay and I went out to Dedap and Giant supermarket...Nothing fun there... really!

well I am planning to write my blog about my game Project. i am planning to create a RPG 2 d game... So, I 'll write the progress here.hope I could my game completely.

This is my game making screenshot...I am using RM2k3 program to make it.

My computer...problem

2005-11-24T18:59:00.000-08:00

I am onlining at Cyber Cafe right now or also better known as the second house of my Uncle and my cousin(Lance and Loius)-they'll spend 60% of the whole day in CC as long as they got money, where did they get the money? somewhere inappropriately compare to a normal life. I went to CC because my computer down want to start...

When I first bought my computer, I hate it because the quality and the usage weren't in my expectation. But then after complaining, the dealer promise to upgrade it with few cost to ful fil the requirement of a good PC...so spend for RM225, I could have my mother board change from the unknown Perx to Gigabyte type, Both Cd Rom and Cd-R rom were change to DVD combo, my CPU was change from the Stupid bad tempered Intel Celeron D 2.53 Ghz to the bright cool AMD Sempron 2800++ with 1.62 Ghz frequency. Also I had my memory changed from 256 mb and 126 mb ddr 266 which equal to 318 mb ddr 266 to the famous and favorite 512mb ddr 400 double sided ram...huh....satisfied.

My computer at UTM...Haven't change anything yet... So lousy...and my room was so messy

But the problem comes again, the computer will restart by itself- autorestart after I played for more than an hours...especially when I played computer games. I didn't contact the dealer until i came back from UTM after my exam. But it come to the worst part when last night, a pop up from microsoft website inquire me to update some file of my window....well why not?

But then when I restart my computer after finished installing, there it go....the computer keep of cycling itself....it auto restart without reaching window...waaaaahhhh.

So I contacted the dealer...Kenny a good chinese guy but speak english to me. Now "Virginio"(my computer name) is at the XP computer cyber cafe for reformatting....sobx sobx sobx relax virginio, I know you can do it....Hope the problem will get fixed forever.

Another A....????

2005-11-24T00:23:00.000-08:00

I thought I would not survive in UTM for this semester. Just now Aunty Jay asked me for Aunty Flocy House Address. I couldn't find the paper from my stake of unorganized stuff that I brought from UTM to this house of cold war. As an alternative, I search my biodata from my Univesity database on the internet...yeahhh I found Aunty Flocy address because she is my guarrantor in UTM and her info is in my fail of UTM database. So after telling the address to Aunty Jay...I checked what's news. There's nothing new actually except the exam result

it was quite interesting and convinient when I could checked my exam result just through the internet. By God Love..I got another A...for english. the weigh for english is 2 it is quit helpful...but my Computer programming, I got A-. Heaven why minus. Last time I checked the noticed board of Mr. Rosli(a computer programming lecturer) Office, I still believe what i saw. It was printed there I got A. Not A-. Ok then I shouldn't mad because this result just my luck. I didn't work hard. Anyway I still concerned my other subjects result......

Oh dear....

2005-11-23T22:51:00.000-08:00

Beauty contest?! For the girls, it is very interesting but to attempt it only those who had the strong self confidence could make it. Talk about my family members, I think they are crazy about it. well if you follow my blog, I wrote a lot of Aunty's name here...means I had a lot of Aunties. Get the clue... This is the pic of Miss Malaysia 2002. This is the pic of Miss Malaysia 2002.

So what? the first runner up was her

Audrey chong the Miss Sabah

An old news but still fresh staying on my family's mind.

"First runner-up Audrey Chong, 18, our proudly Sino-Kadazan Miss Sabah, was also prettily dimpled, but hers came from being bitten in the face by a dog at the age of three. And still she grew up with the kind of looks that make people forget to breathe for seconds at a time."

Dog bite on the face? i had heard it it before. But I don't think the dog bitten enshape the beauty.

"Audrey was my personal favourite, admittedly because she wanted to be a journalist, which meant of course that she was the smartest of the lot and the crowd favourite too. But, as my fellow judge Betty Brohier murmured after we'd handed in our scoresheets and were free to share our thoughts: "She's only 18. Give her a year or two." So this year's Miss Malaysia, by a split decision but without doubt (and as I'd predicted to the guys in the car pool) is Miss Penang, Mabel Ng Chin Mei."

Age was the matter here? So what the use of rules. She was qualified and that's the rules...Why she couldn't win the title? What's wrong with 18? Inexperience? Immature? What does she meant by give her a year or two? Did the chance come anytime....aren't we taught to grab the chance as soon as we get it. Why have delay... But undeniably...Mable is pretty too and qualify to be entitled Miss Malaysia 2002.

"At 24, Mabel's the managing director of three companies employing a total of 70 people in skills training, cosmetics, and beverage distribution, whose "greatest satisfaction" comes "when you're able to manage everything, create a good system and retain staff"."

My aunties said Audrey and Mabel almost look alike...beauty twins? Yet she is experienced in managment.

"And she looks like a swan-necked angel."

that's all

OK...so, all were just a past time memory...what about now.

Audrey is studying in Auckland, New Zealand. final year maybe. Ok lar I am getting tired to write about her....I know her much more but don't dare to write... Here's her blog address

http://www.20six.co.uk/MsAudreyc/

Ok then. Oh ya forget to tell you guys the unimportant things...She my cousin....

UPSR

2005-11-23T19:00:00.000-08:00

I had write three paragraph today but suddenly my computer auto restart...huh..have to narrate and type everythings back. I woke up very late to day almost 3.30 pm and desperatedly got up when I know that i had received a message from Aunty Flocy. An urgent inquiry of Aunty Jay IC's number, I wondered why? However the message was delivered to me since 10.30am. I asked by phone call Aunty Flocy wether she still need it. Well she ensured it and and told me it is required for the flight ticket booking. So it is settled without any matters after that as I asked Aunty Jay whom was onlining that very lame just after rainning afternoon.

Then I used the mineral water which I bought last night to brush my awaiting smelly teeth and wash my oily just waken face. Heaven then you must be wondering why was I using the mineral water. This house water supply had been disconnected for some dillema reason. It is not they can't afford it but just some other reason. It is better to used the clean but expensive spritzer mineral water because yesterday I used the rain water. While it fall, I raise my open face up palm to capture the clean naturally disstilled water (a bit chillie sauce of scientific for a french fries of literature) and wash incompletely unsatisfiedly unenoughly of liquid to my face and mouth. I also take some of the water from the drain to get more water. I really hope I am ok. right after that I began to online...I tried Yahoo messenger for the first time and use the voice chat. I chatted with Aunty Jay who was actually just right next to my left and also with Aunty Ann who was still in office hour working(I think she had some free time). Aunty Ann informed me that Cindy(a girl cousin mix Dusun and Sino Kadazan) her daughter got only 1 A in Malay Language comprehension and C's for the other four for her UPSR.

Well I guess it was because all of her daughters name started with letter C. She said it was a medium result and it was ok. She also continued with Chaston(a boy cousin mix Thai and Sino Kadazan) result which she was inform by Aunty Yeeyin 2B, 2C, and 2D (I think I miss one more). And lastly Ashley get 2A's and I forgot the others. Overall I'm quite twisted, is UPSR getting tougher? I still remember mine was tremendously dissapointing to myself and my unseen dignity. I only get 2 A's (English Language and Malay Language Comprehension), 2 C's(Science and Chinese Language Composition), and what frighten me so much that time was my 2 D's result (D is failed for UPSR) which I got for Malay Language Composition and Chinese Language Comprehension. One more was Mathematics, where was it? what was the result? I never know. It never come out. We'd been told that the paper lost and it was founded and they needed time to checked it. Huh! what a tragedy, but this wasn't the main factor that worried me. The Chinese Language was no big deal but Malay Language...! Because according to the unfair and unconsiderate ministry of education, those who failed the national language in UPSR from non-malay school have to sit for Removal Class...yes I cried almost every second for the first three months during removing class in my secondary school. So, there was I, spending one precious year in the removing class. Too much to say...better stop.
This is the photo when I first reach Aunty Jay's House at JB...Everyone seem very happy. Is it truely happy

Another thing was I sang in Yahoo messenger and asked my audience to judge my voice. I sang Flying Without Wings but only the first verse. Aunty Jay gave me 6/10 but Aunty Ann can hardly hear my voice. I sang few times but no use.

My stomach is very hungry in this crissis house...God please help us...! may this problem solve immediately...i understand what is happening in this house but don't dare to talk about it...I just ask for you tenderness, your generousity to give use the holy spirit to overcome the cissis in the happy suppose to be family. May Jesus Christ hear my prayer. Amen

My First Post

2005-11-22T18:24:00.000-08:00

So this is my first post in my Aunt's house using my own computer....so my computer is first time connected to the internet here. so I online lorrr.

I am in my Aunt's house now...nothing to do. Here got trouble but I still want to stay here...I wanted to see and help if i could...I don't want to talk about it...

what's my plan for semester break...first I'm going to find a job. To cover up next semester fee..I still don't know how much is the fee...hope it is cheap...

This is the last photo taken at my friend's room...that guy is Dee... a good friend.

my last post from UTM for this semester

2005-11-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

@My Last Post....
This would be my last post to my blog from UTM network because the semested had come to end...I have to get out off here and waited for the next semester.

@My last exam...
Soil Mechanic...killed me...I am dead now...I didn't sleep last night for I study the whole chapters but useless because last minute don't work in Univercity, the question was changed to a bit higher level...but I still hope to get at least 2.00 point for soil mechanic...

@My VB result...
I predicted that VB result must had been out at the lecturer notice board because the final exam result for Applied Mechanic which thought by the same lecturer had come out...after the the cold war on snow breezing soil mechanic exam I went to check it out...a lot of students was there too...

850617125171 A

I couldn't see clearer so I checked again, now with wide eyes opened...

850617125171 A

congratulation to myself...I got A for Computer programming subject just as what I hope and only could anticipate for.

@Going back
so I'll go back to my Aunt's house...for the Holiday...actually I had Aiesec conference-NLDS...But I wanna cancel it though I already paid RM90 for the registration...I don't care what I want is to rest for the whole day of my U break...

Done...

2005-11-20T19:58:00.000-08:00

I had done with all Jimmy's task for me...the last one, I think was a bit stupid and troublesome..it happen like this...Jim asked to pass the Cd and Dvd to his friens at church...but I somehow I didn't go for prayer...then I received a messages from the person whom suppose to received the stuff asking where am I? I couldn't reply because i credit had reached it's expiry date...the next day which is today...I messages from jim that seem to push me to do the passing Cd Dvd faster...but I just relaxed and didn't reload my phone credit yet....then Eirin the girl whom I supposed to passed the stuff with SMS me...when can you passed me the cd? twice...huh...i had to reply this time....If she was smart that time, she would have tell me the place to meet and settle it...but she didn't...I thought if someone didn't reply you it mean he or she don't have valid credit...so I had to waste my money...ermmm...we met at Arked Meranti and everything done............well done Gerard. I told Jimmy and he replied I would get my salary in the next Sem....huh....why? am I his employee..no Jimmy....it is about sincerity heheh....so I replied -huh...no need lor...god bless you....(something like that). Ben really didn't come back...so I messages him to remind him to e-mail me the photo...hope to get my super-posing picture...hehehe(I laugh mimicking Tony-tony Chopper who immitating the doctor ways of laugh in one piece anime)......

I helped Jimmy. Where is Ben! My last coming Exam!

2005-11-19T22:10:00.000-08:00

I woke very late just now...where it was 11.30 am but I wanted to stay relax...then I realized that I had procrastinated Jimmy's Errand to me which I supposed to settle down yesterday...but i didn't because I feel very bad about my Calculus exam and I had no mood to be good, I didn't go to church as well......
(Picture left: Jimmy...He is a good guy...very good.)

So, I went to his room which were unoccupied since yesterday because he already went back to his hometown...I started by carrying two medium size heavy boxes and one medium size luggage....carried them one by one to a store which is situated about 400 m from the room....I sweat a lot and easily tired cause I hadn't get any of my meal yet I only had some biscuits for last night meal. I helped him to registered his stuff and upsed his money he gave me last time to pay for the fee to keep our stuff in that store...Next i helped him to confirm the check out document at our college office...Luckily both store and office still opened...

So last on e was to passed the CD's and DVD's to his friends...later....lorrrrr haha. I hadn't reload my phone so I can't contact them...Jimmy keeps remind me about this task well he promised to CHIA me...meant to spend me...hehe....

No I m in the library writing this...Ya.. what the heaven happened to Ben...from Singapore...he didn't contact me...he supposed to stay one more night with me last night but he didn't come...I guess he felt boring in my place...well he had his right....I think he is on his way now back to KL...I just hope that he will send me the photo from his Digital camera....

Today I hoep to revise Soil mechanic to get ready for tomorrow exam...final and last exam then I'll go back to my aunt house....Good Luck to my self

Calculus

2005-11-19T16:17:00.000-08:00

As what I already mention... I didn't study for the whole night...and the outcome is I couldn't answer the Calculus question. too bad but serve. I didn't study earlier...

Ben Patrick did a what he pacted without a trick

2005-11-19T15:08:00.000-08:00

So Ben Come to visit me...noe or I shoud've just sayhe drop by for two night and went to Singapore for an world games event. So later than he said. to make everything short...He seem to be no changes at all...his voices are still the same...He is a big Dota player...One day I'll make him meet my cousins...just to stop him from prouding himself...This big nosed boy seem to be a little bit thinner that before I think he did a lot of games.

So what He brought me 4 good CDs...this rhino look alike boy are predictable sometimes. japanese songs...cool at least i'll some source about the Japs Entertainment industry...He introduced me Bitorrean...somehintg like that. It is utilised extremely good in downloading. i'll make sure myself to use that program...

Oh ya ... Ben and i had our night at Jimmy's room because I don't want to disturb Brendan...and Jimmy actually going back soon. Ben brought his Sony 4,++megapixel digital camera...Jimmy help me in my photo shoot session...cool but I only can see two of the pictures are nice...hope Ben could email me those pic....hehe...thanks to both of them....

well what Ben comment about me....Damn him he asked why did I write a blog...a diary type of blog...ya... he is right. Perhaps I should have change them into a project or self progressing type of blog..ok cool with that Idea. Next he openly said that I seem to be like a gay....shit..This week two of my friends said that to me...Shit. Just shit...I don't know what to say...

Then Jimmy gaves me some errand to do...too many but I think got to handle them now...

my soil mechanic carry mark

2005-11-17T14:46:00.000-08:00

so i just checked my soil mechanic carry mark...huh ...only about 37/50. damn I have to work harder...for my next week soil mechanic final exam...
I woke in morning very late today...Im so lazy.How am I going to get better...

2005-11-17T03:36:00.000-08:00

my previous primary picture in Friendster...I wanna to show my new hair style but I got terrible comment from my friend Jimmy... He said I look like Gay.....Damn it.. I don't even know...Does he had a good Gaydar...

Now I change already ... Hoho.

I dreamt ghost last night

2005-11-16T17:04:00.000-08:00

I was sleeping at almost 3 because i can't due to overslept on the previous night...Sleep-sleep..
suddenly I dreamt something dark place...I saw like my family members like my brother and my elder sister....then suddenly my sister face slowly become frightening...teribble...actually still the same, she wasn't turn into something but her eyes keeps staring at me and it become bigger and darker eyedlid....huh, to my desperation I can't move nor scream....I try to fight few times....force myself to move but fail...suddenly i woke up and scream twice...not so loud larrrr. then I looked at my roommate in the dark, he was still asleep..huh luckily...then I laugh and get myself back to sleep and didn't remember what i dreamt after that. Actually, i like such dream, hope to dream such horror again.

My wrote testi for some of my friendster

2005-11-16T14:22:00.000-08:00

it is damn cool to write a testimonial to a friendster, it's like showing appreciation...I still don't know what actually a testi is but...people can see it..today...I wrote a special testi for my friend to Cynthia, (i'd wrote to others previously)..but this is special...because i wrote in the form of poem...and some more it is in Bidayuh Language. It's sound like this...

Prologue
Dang pagi modud;
Dang onu Potiak;
Dang sobak doras;
Dang merdu puisi;
okuk totap dati.....

What do you think?...don't understand arrr...ok...I also don't know Bidayuh language...but I have few friends who know their mother tongue very well...let me show you the original version...Malay one...created by Anak Dewan Bahasa Pustaka (really! seriously! but not me larr, my friendster.)

Dalam dingin pagi;
Dalam hangat mentari;
Dalam rakus badai;
Dalam merdu puisi;
Aku kekal di sini....

Well nothing much to you guys...but it tells that the poet will always be there no matter what the weather condition is...easy but the reason i write this is to tell her that i'll be in friendster to write a beautiful poem for her no matter what happen . I hope Velvethia will approve it...hopefully. I'll tell you guys if she had approved it...

***

I just get started with new blog...friendster blog.

http://greatgerard.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/
***
The others testimonial was just a simple one. This one to brian...still in poem but i think it is total sucks

So many trees
So Little time.
having times spree
happy with u anytime
coz everything is free
even just for iced lime
We'll always agree
do thing that crime.
now in one country.
not in other time
so many trees
so little time

and another one was written by me to JoJo...he is Georgie

Everybody looking for that something....(A huge Clap from the audience, very s soft,but his hands shaking because of nervousness and the claps turn into laugh)

Some find it in the face of their children..(Another huge Clap from the girls because his friend voice is much-much cute like lack of Y chromosome type of boy, but he ended up with singing out of tempo)

Some find it sharing every morning..(audience was shocked by this friend of him voice..)

u find it in the deepest Friendship...The kind u cherish all your life...(His friend got shouted and claps from the audience because he dare to jump up his voice)

So.(at this moment the biggest ever claps and shout from the audience) Impossible...as they may seem....(He was the smallest there but with the biggest and highest voice,everyone entertaint by him)

Well For me yeah it's waking up beside you (this was another of his friend...the crowd began to calm down because this boy's voice too nice..voice of calmer..

I wrote this as a memoir of during the preliminary singing competition in KML last year(2004).
I think that's all the testi i had wrote. till then...

The beautiful photo....

2005-11-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

Like what My aunt described before...the little Huminodun and her little aunty.
Well this cute baby...(I think so much that they are cute). if you don't-Get lost...The standing one is Lora(the aunty) and the still milk baby is Jill(the Huminodun). they are the future mischievious children of the family after the previous generation--the previous one supposed to be the group of children after me....for example...Chaston, Cindy, bext, casey,and others....Hehe. Then before that I proudly admitted that my generation----Me, Izaac, Alex, Idel, Gideon, Norbert, Gilda, Bella, Ivan, Audrey and CC....too much memory...hope it stay on my mind forever...especially the things I like.

Model Pictures....

2005-11-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

The two model that never forgotten by me....hehe......too good

Kevin an embeded model of Man Hunt....and Tyra Bank, Hostess of America's next top model

Tuesday...2 more papers to go...

2005-11-15T14:31:00.000-08:00

I checked out Tina~ friendster shout....She wrote....5 more papers to gooOOoooOO...something like this...wow she got a lots of exam to be done...she told me before she got 8 papers...Good Luck to You Tina...

so Im in the library, typing my blog...actually i help dee to get some wedding mdidi. becasue she will be playing guitar for a wedding ceremony in his church don't know when......a bit help for him to get the idea of what is a wedding song like...

study...study...not so bad truly....but i just study/revise the basic....

change for my blog, i already submitted for friendster blog but i'll on ly write about friend in there.

my new hair style.. you can't see the shape here...but it is real punk or Beckham style

My new hair...not really new... it is almost one week already... I like it...it cost me RM20 for it...but to0 stylish- Beckham style... well at least people say it is cool, smart, wow....or something like that. but I dont have eanough gel to keep it in shape...wahhh gotta study...

so it's monday...

2005-11-13T23:15:00.000-08:00

From the previous post...I had said that i'll more seldom.. But it seem that Im goin to post more...the reason is I'll study at the library and the internet CC is inside the library...great thing is I could study and when the tencse come I'll online...for a while..and whilst onlining I'll post my blog...
So what happen actually...
My exam...first paper was English but I didn't manage to do it well because not enough time or i don't handle the time properly. So I didn't finished the last essaya completely....too bad. Next exam would be Calculus on the 19 Nov....and Soil Mechanic on 21 Nov...then I am sure cry going out from UTM...well I didn't study well as I promised... Last time...Brian suggest me not to go back to my aunt house during the study weeks...but I did...and really I can't study there...i played game a lot...I think I deserved it...well in my mind now I still have time to study at least to pass the exam with just nice result, no more excellent... Aiesec...i suggest myself and become the Nigeria costume designer...hehe. the model is Wy Wy and Bernedatte.. well I prefer to design Datte's costume than Wy Wy...Oh ya Sadly Datte told me her boyfriend Joseph...(Handsome in the picture) just left her (or they just break) for a new girl from Sabah which is a wild girl in Matriculation...felt sorry for Datte...but it is common for boy to get bored in long distance relationship..boy can hardly be loyal but easily be a liar. So NLDS....I become the designer...but i don't think I would make it to NLDS...no ....I had change plan...but not sure yat... so at this moment I'll just participate in any NLDS preparation meeting...then suddenly dissapeard followed by a sorry message...haha

^Tina^ no longer in my heart but still in my mind...I think I got problem in any relationship with girl...firstly I dont seem to understand them...Next I don't thing I am ready yet...damn it.... a boy that not ready yet in coupling stuf is big loser... Third reason would be obvious...i met her ....Cynthia....girl that is my first serious attempt and I rejected...I met her in friendster...and she already became my friendster...but she had a boyfriend called Jerrie...I read the Bidayuh Language of her testimonial...and also Jerrie's Testimonial that written by both sided to each other...they was terribly serious in their relationship...Now I had to wait...wait...wait...but while waiting I'll enjoy being a loser... talking about girl that i like surely remind me more to my secondary school.. I never coupling because i looked stupid, not smart, skinny, not steady, a bit nerdy (when I say a bit then i meant it)....the only girl that i like was Lim Ai Mei,.... A beautiful...mix chinese girl...but the time keep me waiting for her because she had a boyfriend... NO, Yes I am dumb...why should I wait ...but I dont know why... well I got surprise for myself...

That's her.....Velvethia.

have to stop here....I post together with Cythia Picture...this is without her permission....I just dont' think I would ever allowed to attach her picture so why bother,,....it is like ^Tina^ she don't permit me ....that is one of the reason she isn't in myheart anymore...Im total sucks...then.

So it is Nov...exam and Holiday...

2005-11-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

Im quite busy. so I'll probably submit blog more seldom...til then

Brian and I-Hotmailing

2005-11-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

rpoyomega@hotmail.com replied
Thanksss....
I feel u are the great. but u r far.If u r near, I'm sure I wont let my self bullied.anyway, after reading ur Long msg, I have to be strong. my comp.

I actually tried to solve themit is easy. I went to my aunt (Aunty Angie- the onewho sell me the computer if you remember my blog lar)so, complain everything, then she came with the computer technician then they said they want to change everything. today at 5.30pm it suppose to be done already. what most important I change to AMDSempron 3000-if I was not wrong. I think it good.Like urs AMD. Now we have same brand of 'Electric Brain'

About my friend, I finally speak out what i don't like.It Great though my coward mind feel guilty and regret they never took any advantage already. haha. satisfied.

Wah u work! good I never thought u are goin to work.It is surprising. As b4 ur parents won't allowed u.i've been a food runner, waiter, beverage runnersales assistant, and I think im very good in them..Because I had a good attitude. To make it short I also know u also can do it because lokyukian have.that value..hadrworking, follow the time and initiative.I wonder how would you looked when you wearing the shop uniforms. must be smart right... i hope u'll work long there cause i confirm will go to selangor at the end of Nov Until earliy of Dec.

Hey you didn't mention anything about the videoclip that i asked...I understand lor, if you don't want to give. it is ok. but I also want to make a good one,using my computer lor..

Well I still remembered used the word 'unplug' last time to refer to our(me teck u) friendship...now u used it then again. u are great man. Ok then I need to go.

>From: brian chia <bctk0617@yahoo.co.uk>>
To: "gered j.jf" <rpoyomega@hotmail.com>>
Subject: Re: Short message>
Date: Wed, 2 Nov 2005 06:34:18 +0000 (GMT)>>

Hi , read a bit about your blog, so you are not>satisfy with your com. come on lah, nothing is>perfect, my com also hang what.but what you can do is>to maintain your com and get rid all the junk inside>your com. for what? to make it run faster of course.>always make sure to run disk defragement and disk>clean up . they can make your com faster, and delete>or uninstall those program that you never or dont>really need. well keep it in the com also useless>what. still can install it when needed. and your>fucking friends who always take advantage on you, just>unplug them( dont make friend with them) what for have>a friend that only what benefit from you. if you are>in trouble , see if they willing to help. there are>plenty of people outside there that you can make>friend and help each other, if you can not manage them>, tell me , i try to come to utm and kick their ass.>but im sure you can manage it, we come so far from>sabah ,where can let them bully us. kampate ok!!!!!>anyway im working in mid valley now, as a food server,>part time but very challenging, as it is>a very luxurious restaurant, its name is chilis bar>and grill. take care ok , keep in touch.

"gered j.jf" <rpoyomega@hotmail.com> wrote:
Hola....Salamat for your message ok...
I didn'teceived any msg from otherss
then all of a sudden....YOU
OK then keep it easy lor
you finished ur exam already..Enjoy
####################
you haven't visit my Blog right!?
now you have time...com'on
http://www.greatgerard.blogspot.com/
You'll know how's my life...Idup or mati...Matee
####################
Give me the video clips you had made...
why? is it copy right...
or you don't like the urself acting inside it.
Come on! I Won't let other people see.
#####################
May Jesus Bless you bye...

From: brian chia <bctk0617@yahoo.co.uk
To: "gered j.jf" <rpoyomega@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: smiling Gerard. Don't comment.
Date: Mon, 31 Oct 2005 13:42:38 +0000 (GMT)

hi, masih hidup kah, ha ha , i dont know what to say
should say good luck in your exam, i just finish exam,
very happy, ok, when you wan to visit me , tell me k.
take care, and sorry for the short text. cos i lazy to
type(too honest)

>___________________________________________________________> > >How much mail storage do you get for free? Yahoo!> > Mail> > >gives you 1GB!> > >Get Yahoo! Mail http://uk.mail.yahoo.com/> >> >>_________________________________________________________________> > Get an advanced look at the new version of MSN> > Messenger.> > http://messenger.msn.com.my/Beta/Default.aspx> >> >>>>>>___________________________________________________________>Too much spam in your inbox? Yahoo! Mail gives you the best spam protection for FREE! http://uk.mail.yahoo.com/

^Tina^

2005-10-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

to describe between me and Tina...not as simple as I thought...so I took Westlife "Obvious"

eah, ooooh...
We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby

You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are

I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

I've heard you talk about
(Heard you talk about)
How you want someone just like me (Bryan echo: just like me)
But everytime I ask you out
(Time I ask you out)
We never move pass friendly, no no

And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone

I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
Yeah...

You are my very first thought in the morning

And my last at nightfall

You are the love that came without warning

I need you, I want you to know

I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
(I've crushed on you so long)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

[Westlife:]
And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more then adore you but since you never seem to see

But you never seem to see
I'll say it in this love song

____enough____

I just realized that this song is in line with my relationship's situation.

revision and Hari Raya celebation holiday...........Nothing much to me except i';ll be having more rest.

2005-10-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

The Holiday had started...i felt very boring...Though I should've study for my final exam but i don't have the will to study. last week I went to KL to regain my motivation from my most trusted friend but it was useless cause I don't actually change...I still very felt bad and unlucky about my computer...I was thinking that i am very stupid in any decision I made this year...I didn't think Hundred times before i made a move...i could list the mistakes I had done what the use of the list...!

My computer

What I did previously...i played games...my computer cannot support any games and too much applications in the same time. i don't think it worth to pay +/- RM1700 for a stupid computer like mine...I always need to restart like every hour i need to restart because it hang all the way when I just started to get exited about my computer...so I just use the computer to listen to music-westlife(the only potion of enhancement to make my computer a little bit and a little bit and a little bit useful), read comic- a soft copy which i bought during Matrics...I did used my computer software Window Movie maker to make some stupid clip entitled the stupides boy...It's boring...no one in this world-I think would ever touch such program during their free boring time...I'm the worst.

Food...I'm the stupidest guy in the world because i don't have any courage to stop other people from taking opportunities on me...in term of food...I got my mini useful fridge, rice Cooker-can cook other meal also, and a water heater...except the water heater the others two are illegally brought and use in my room...I bought my stock like

1 chicken sausage 6 packets (rm12)
2 5 star chicken Bolona (rm 7)
3 3 Dozen egg (RM6)
4 can Food (RM18)
5 Fish Ball(RM4)
6 Soup Powder(RM10)
7 a pack of biscuit(rm4)

total more or less rm61...

That's what I remember and I had shared with Dee who wants to eat together...So, the cool product are stacked in my mini refrigerator and the other in my locker...that's not the problem ok...Actually I cook rice almost everyday...depending on my mood and time and also my stomach. But my roommate always ask for food...and also Dee roomMate Erik-the most uninteresting person on earth...It's ok for sometimes but everytimes is too much...one more thing I don't like my roommate-Brendan to use my spoon especially when I just started to eat and Erik the most uninteresting person on earth always ask water from me-I mind about water cause it is hard for me to got to the office of my college just to take filter drinking water from the water dispenser-I don't to drink my hoster toilet water, the smell bad and has the chlorine taste...Well they think i am the utm orphanage room founder? no way.....They have more money than me cause they got JPA scholarship. they ought go outside eat...they just lazy...As for Dee I don't mind cause he is trusted and had share upon the food...Damn...the Fasting month really get me mad. One day I'll fight back mentally and get their emotion disturb because I had mentally disturb now...seriously...

One of my friend from selangor will be coming to my place...Ben...He want to drop by as he is going to Singapore for The world Games...I forget the title of the fucntion already...he message me three times to assure that he could stay with me but I don't reply! The reason is I also had asked him wether I can stay with him or not if I went this December but he never replied...serve you better Ben...but i am not that bad, i'll reply as soon as i reload my phone...but i'll delay it...

This holiday, i decided to study...study and to master calculus and soil mechanics...I hope I'll do it...

My Tatoo....my pierced ear...

2005-10-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

I had a tatoo already...I call him-Sonico. it is a hedgehog shape like dragon or praying mantis and it is on my left arm...The reason I make it because i like Tatooed body and i loves to try new thing...I won't hesitate to try drugs anyway...just try...I had pierce my ear and drawn my body what's next? i had shown it to my male friends but girls never except I had send a photo of my half naked body showing off my tatoo to my cute babe ^Tina^-special one...i already told her, i hope she'll reply something nice as I asked for her photo...

Im getting tired of myself...

2005-10-23T15:42:00.000-07:00

^Tina^- I felt myself are getting tired of her...she always excused when i wanna play SMS with her.

I already confessed to her that I like her in SMS. She told me, she likes me as a friend...but nothing much happen except she began to reply my messages more frequent than before...

the truth is I'm easily get bored to things...but i hope I won't this time....Or maybe im the one who get tired of myself.

What happenned to me??????

2005-10-23T13:00:00.000-07:00

Now Im sitting in my room typing this...ya I got new PC desktop. actually i hate my desktop....I think im the stupidest human in the whole world who always make decision without ensuring that i wont regret it one day. Well I think everything i do should be a mistakes. I don't want to talk about it....I'll keep in my mind. I hope that I won't have to keep the hatred to myself for such problems for a very long time or else i'll suffer.

~I hate to talk about my Desktop, so i really hope anyone of my friends won't ask me about my desktop...or else i'll lied...What I lied to my friend...Teck and Brian please forgive me...message me if you forgiven me and understand the condition of the boat i'm standing in. So i said to them I had a RM 1700 new PC destop with Intel Pentium 4 3.0Ghz instead of telling the truth which is intel Celeron D 2.53 Ghz...

this was the point why I lied to you guys...got one time when i met them in KL...Teck asked me about Jeffrin...I told him nothing much and also i mention that he bought a new Laptop with Celeron Processor...when he heard that he laughed because of the word Celeron...He thought Jeffrin was stupid for buying Celeron...but the most annoyed person was me...ok, I deserved this...so I just lied him...to hide my stupid Desktop and also to take care of my dignity. Brian also asked me the price of my PC...when he heard RM1700 he said it's waste so I just lied him that it is pentium 4 to calm everything...by the reaction of my most trusted friend, i know I made a big mistakes...but actually i knew it from the beginning, Im sorry dude...sometimes I feel the comfortable lie is better than the hurt truth...both of them had bought Laptop, Teck with his RM4288 laptop but i forget the processor maybe intel Pentium 4 2.8 Ghz and brian rm2000 plus for an AMD sempron...both are powerful computer...They bought laptop because they wont be spending the four or fives years in University as teck will move to ha hospital in the third year and Brian will go to German in 2007. Actually with my price of Desktop i suppose can challenge their computer easily because the fact that desktop is more powerful that laptop...again I feel so stupid....

Next is 512 mb RAM instead of the 384mb Ram...Then a DVD combo instead of two BenQ cd rom (weren't this stupid) but one is CD-RW...also, I said I had no graphic cards but actually I had which is useless one call ASUS and I don't have any idea what the magnitude of it's power or memory...That's what i lied...but to complete my statement about the truth of my computer is it have a Dell 17" monitor...(they forget to enclosed the power cable together with this product so I had to buy my self RM12- cow's Shit! i could eat three days for that amount of cash...) then Samsung Optical Mouse and Samsung Keyboard...(I don't think I need such branded accessories, they had nothing for me to proud of..what samsung but for mouse and keyboard-man was like the dumb ass butt hole...) and one stupid speaker that I think the noise that it made had broken my dignity in front of my friend...My CPU is PERX- i don't know what the hell brand it come from...I also have the useless Floppy drive...I won't use it...never because I don't need it anymore...everyone is using USB Thumb Drive. The CPU have a lot of USB (I don't know what to call it.) But that don't measure as a good computer is it?...I know...

so it is clear that my computer is the useless one...maybe those who don't understand would say "it's ok larrr as long as you have one." hey before you said that to me, you better think twice because I'll make thou mute forever...know why i dare to do that? because I can't even play games...my purpose of buying computer is to get myself up to date upon the Games World, I don't want to be stupid like before but now I had become one...and forever...I guess...but I hope God will help me...another things is the benQ CD-rom is not responding well to my CD...damn and i never use the CD-RW...(I asked for the CD-RW but I didn't use them-stupid isn't it?) The CPU get hot easily in the short time....and sometimes when i open music files with winamp or other files, it'll hang.............

Well i'll stop the craps...let me write something nice and memorable...I went to Kuala Lumpur Last Weekend (14-16 october) to visit my friends- Teck Fui and Brian Chia. I took a bus to go there and it took my RM 25 and also 4 1/2 hours to reach there. I reach Pudu raya and few mintes after that i was fetch by Teck Fui and Christine. They brought me to Sungei Wang to eat my dinner as they already had theirs. Christine looks very cute as before. I observed that they are a really happy couple-without sexual intercourse between them.(Teck told me lor...) but what I know they were both my good friends. Then we went to Christine hostel(apartment) in IMU to bring her back and me and teck continue back to his U and we took LRT for both journey. then ,We took UPM bus and I wear his roommate matric card to pretend myself as a UPM student and that's the best way I could go back to UPM by the university bus. We take away our supper from the food court of UPM (small one) before we went Teck's room. I met Joshua - teck's Roommate, the nerdy, doctor to be, Johorean boy. Nothing much we do that night just sharing stories and play Need For Speed Underground 2...and I knew few things about Brian from Teck Fui.

The next day we went to Mid Valley after we fetch Christine at I forgot the road...Nothing Much at Mid Valley...Christine had her shoping "unspree" buying food and daily necessities at Carrefour. We also called Kenny Yapp and Jeremy Dean to come with us but only Kenny can come. He was a very nothing change person. we go around Mid Valley and it's quite boring...We had our lunch there - a Chicken Pot rice...RM 5 each person without beverage. Ok lar the taste good lar but the chicken pieces were almost bone.

Then we went to Berjaya times Square...Nothing much over there but I'm interested to the playground at the highest floor-they seem have a Roller Coster but i didn't play. Another thing is the Wet-Wet Shop-a few sexual toys are sold there. Pretty Arousing fo me whom I think myself have a great sexual desire.

Our next destination was the Low Yat Plaza- a computer plaza. everything is bery cheap and a lot of promotion. Seeing the price and the ability of their products makes me hate more to my Computer...It is a big crowd there, I lost my friend few times, but handphone is very easy. Ohh ya I forgot to write that I just bought a new...new battery for my old but very useful and understanding phone for RM 25 without warranty. Nothing much in Low Yat Plaza except the digital devices.

It is almost 4pm when Christine wanna make her way back to hostel. teck accompanied her along and I did say Good Bye a very important word cause we'll never gonna meet again for a very long time. So left me and Kenny, we went to Sungei Wang to wait for Teck to come back and also Brian to come...He was having his Practical at JMI.Teck come back earlier and we find Tomb Raider Game pak but it was very hard to find one and the price is not fair, RM45 and the shopper dare to admit that it is original. Holy cow, he is not gonna fool me. We met brian at almost 5.30pm. as Brian went to a wrong place. Haha...

Then we had our Dinner at one Chinese stall. Nice and quite chear. We shared everything...Before this teck told me that Brian had a girl friend already and he isn't a virgin anymore...damn, I was so left far behind. but Brain never mention his girlfriend...Perhaps he don't trust me and Kenny... ahhh who care. but the fact is fact that I never move a step further than Teck Fui and Brian...Kenny isn't in my list. As from Brian story he is very success in almost everything he had done.

we had a walk at KLCC...just walk cause everything was very expensive...We had a break at Burger King of KLCC. The nice things over there is you can refill your drink anytime and many times as you can take. So we drink a lot. Then we walk again. I saw a small stall selling a cute Teddy Bear...I was about to buy for ^Tina^ but I don't think I can't affod to buy a small teddy bear with cost of RM15. Over all, at KLCC is very boring if you walk with someone who is very economical. There's a lot of Coffe Bean Shop there...

From KLCC we took a bus to Petaling Street...they said it's a horrible place where you can see a crowd of bad people selling fake stuff and pirated DVD...Brian Said he wanted to buy a DVD to watch tonight...I thought he mean a Pornography DVD because what can you expect from a young man mind...but I was wrong because he choosed a scary story DVD- The Cave...for RM 8. But I still think he actually wanted the Porn DVD but he didn't dare to ask because we didn't support him from behind when dealing with the Chinese DVD pirate. After that Kenny left us with a good bye...He actually fail in matriculation last time, Now he's taking Foundation again in a private Education institute-UTAR.

now the Problem for the 3 of us...Me, Brian, Teck Fui...We didn't have bus to go back to UPM.(Brian also planned to stay at Teck Fui room for a night) so after a long wait, we plan to take the LRT, Teck Fui tell the other UPM students who were waiting for bus. But right after that Both teck Fui and Brian run to the LRT station...I just follow...

It is quite thrilling when we pretend ourselve like being chase by something...we took two LRt before we reached the place that i forgot the name. There we find a 7-eleven shop to buy food for supper...I paid the expences because before this both of them paid for my LRT fair. I just wanna be fair.

After that We tried to catch a Taxi...We got one waiting Taxi but he demand for unreasonable price-RM10 instead of the usual price RM5 according to Teck Fui...Both Teck and Brian didn't want. I gave a stupid idea which was walk to UPM. they didn't want neither. The taxi driver lowered the price after a few minutes bargaining but only RM1 discounted. So, the ass hole taxi Driver was not our choices...we just waited and we got another Taxi for RM6. easy...and thank god. I still didn't understand that I could come out with the idea of walk to UPM...It's pretty embarassing for me.

At UPM everything was OK...I used Brian Phone to take my photo few times. We had our bath and right after that we tend to watch the DVD-the cave...but both Teck and Brian were keep busy comparing their laptop. So I just sitting on Teck's bedroom playing with Brian's Phone. After a few hours then they played the DVD but unfortunately it couldn't be played...I kept on reminded them that if we bought a pornography it migh easily can be view for our entertainment tonight...but they just switch to the other old DVD. We had our own supper and abot an hour later I went to sleep because the story was so boring.

The next morning i woke up at almost 10 am and I prepared myself and waited for them to get up...Joshua woke up first and we had a simple snack for breakfast...thanks to him...I never thought that i'll had something to eat that time-and i really need food to recharge myself...At almost 12.30 pm both the bright friend of mine woke up...and they were surprise when they knew the time...We had our lunch at Marry brown which is very near to Teck's hostel and I online there using teck's Laptop. We ordered three burgers and a meal...which consisted of three pieces of chicken, potatoes and salad...it's Salad was very good... but the chicken was unfair as they already asked for breasts but we were given one breast, one wings and a drumsticks. Brian wanna argue but everyonw were cool down after the waiter said the don't fried any breast anymore...Damn them...a sort of stupid lie cannot fooled us but what could we do. so we make a deal, who took the breast will eat less potato and salad...and I was the one.

Unsatisfied, we headed to the food court which a bit far from Teck's room to have our second lunch. But this time we were full after just eaten the half of the meal. i sponsored myself and Teck a can of coke because Brian already bought for himself and teck's ever did the same to me when I first reach UPM (Burger).

after that teck lead us to the bus stop before we parted and Brian and i were on the way to KL...in the bus I got Ben's Phone's no. i did chat with him. I hate to chat with those who already forget a friend because he cheated me few times...but I might use this boy one day...

In KL, Brian straightaway brought me to the Petaling Street for me to buy a new sport shoe. I got a fake one with the price of RM60 after much bargaining and i spoke chinese to gain hospitality of the chinese sales assistant...He kept on confriming me that it is a good one...but what i knew was it's a fake DC brand shoe. I actually didn't want to buy but i can see Brian was in rush, so i just wasted my RM60 for the uninterested shoe...I am stupid all the time.

Then, we went to Pudu Raya and i bought a ticket. I got a 6.30 pm departure...so we still have a lot of time. Brian waited for about half an hour before he said good bye to me...I was alone waited for the time to come...It is very hard to know the bus so I kept on asking and during the time a man shouted "Johor-JOHOR". Then he asked for ticket...I gave him my ticket. I saw one chinese girl with her Chinese boyfriend who were actually keep on wrapping hadn on each others. So they don't give the ticket eventhough the asked from them. I didn't care much about them...Then the man asked us to move to outside to get the bus...I wonder it must be the Traffic Jam that causes all passengers had to move to the bus instead of the bus stopped at the terminal. I got a sit with a nice view but i and no one sit with me...
a few short moment after that, the chinese girl i mentioned just sat beside me because no more other seat. then one man who seem like the bus conductor asked the man who was shouting just now "is it she?" then the man replied "yeahlah". Then I understand this stupid easily untied loop.

The journey me almost 5 hours...i kept my attention to the road because i was afraid that I might passed Skudai Parade then i'll more for cab.
I asked the chinese girl beside me about the route by talking Chinese...I asked it too early then...I actually have to wait until we reached the toll plaza before I should asked the Driver to stop. I thank her few times lorrr...

At Skudai Parade, I took a Taxi. But the Pirate Taxi didn't want to bring me back utm if not one more people joinning...then a woman who seem like a lecturer also want to go to UTM. So there's the last journey by taxi and a woman. She got down at the 9th college...and I alone with the Taxi Driver...nothing happen actually...we just chat he was promoting about the air ticket that one could easily book from him...when I reached my hostel I asked for his phone number to convince him...I paid RM6 and it was quite cheap compare to the official taxi. Now in my room I can see brendan doing assignment and I can see my healthy but useless computer sitting on my table like waiting for to use him...I played song then

In my room I have to rushed myself to do some VB work... the time was about 11.30pm...i need to passed the file to Jenny at the girl's block and the alarm bell ringing out of manners that night, i saw Sherrina,an indian friend with another indian girl was at the bus stop, she couldn't stand the noise, when i reach there the bell stop, so I was like the bell stopper,i guess!. After passing the pen drive to Jenny, I went back to room and all black out...I called Tina to tell everything...It was not much that night...but i feel that i hadn't feel fulfil by my journey to KL cause all i could see the dark side was more significance...God Please help me....

Test result...

2005-10-23T04:21:00.000-07:00

It was bad as i thought because I didn't study for it...For calculus i only managed to get 12.5/25 for test and 30/50 for carry mark...too bad. Soil Mechanic no news but I could make assumption that my 2nd test wont be good...or even medium...English...I got 54.5/60 as carry mark...that's not enough to help my other more important subjects...VB test-computer programming...this is my subject but it's getting tougher as chapter going and I need computer to practice...since i don't have it before so i just borrowed from friend and paid more attention in the class...when I already bought this computer...it was too late because i don't have the chance or I don't make the chance for my computer to be installed the VB program...The test was hard but Im lucky because it is open book test...still it is very hard...so i only confident to get more or less 60/100...I hope for more...Yaaa..VB program assignment...previously, the lecture wanted us to form a group to do assignment...the chinese boy wanted me to join but i declined because I was afraid that i will be no good to them...so I got a group with one chinse girl-Jennie(she's elegant but you can see her price if you want to court her...) and one Iban girl(a humble not funny girl)...we needed one more member...so i recruit Hisyam(short malay boy but useless) and we chosed OPTICAL IMAGES as a topic, the programm was to solve any optical equations, we learned them in form 5 and matriculation....over all i was still useless in the team...Jennie acted like the Leader...and it was nice...I did some job but at the end it was mostly edited and corrected by the two girls...Hisyam whom suppose to be my helper didn't do anything...cause I did his job before him as he delay the works most of the time. So what Hisyam actually did was compile the printed project source code with the printed interface pictures of the program...during the presentation, everythings went well because the program runs very well...as my part-introduction and Mirror images..I used the combination of races to promote our group as the perfect group. Haha...but what i concern is i still don't know what mark I get for VB...I hope to get good one...'A' was my dream...

~~::..So Many Trees , So Little Time ..::~~